Your are going to read the unhappy ending... You can still decide on reading a different fic .

 

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Entry 8

Dear Spike,

I am sorry to waste all the blood.
I know you are angry.

BUT:

Now, after more than 7 years with you
I don’t want to wait anymore.
The mating slowed down my ageing process
but now I feel it’s time.

Only a year or two
and I will look like your older brother,
not like your consort anymore.
So I decided it was time.

In all the years
our mating anniversary was something cherished
and you were never late and
I know you won’t be late tonight.
So this is the right way.

You don’t live with William the Bloody for so long
without learning one or two things
about blood, pain and death.

We discussed this so often
and you were always against
me helping us
to reach our goal:
forever.

It’s your choice,
turn me or let me die.
Don’t you dare to “save” me.

You know I want this,
want you,
with my heart,
my soul,
my body,
forever.

If you don’t turn me,
it’s okay
but let me die.
I couldn’t live with the knowledge
that you denied me forever,
couldn’t live with the lie
we lived for more than the last seven years.

If I die tonight,
there is just one thing I regret:
You knew,
and, after the mating, even felt,
how much I love you.
But I never said it out loud.
I wish I could tell you now.

I love you Spike,
forever
either way it will end.

Yours.

Whelp,

 

you, you… stupid idiot…you… why did you do it? damn you! ... to take this from us!I was late, too bloody late. … You are so cold. … I did get the chip out, I can turn you now, see? … no, can’t see anymore… can’t look at me anymore … you fucker. It just took an hour longer than I planed. Why… bloody fucking hell, why couldn’t you wait! … just an hour and we could have done it my way. … 7 fucking years, 4 month and 17 days since you kissed me… tha is just too damn short, a blink of an eye for us, for forever… you damn… whelp, you knew! you knew I love you ... I would never let you go and now… now you lie there… your all cold! … you never were this cold. you’re my nummy, my warmth, your mine! … you are not allowed to go. Mine, do you hear me, MINE! You can’t hear me anymore, can you? … Nummy… what now? … What shall I do? without you. Here. Alone in our home. Our. You are part of this, this is yours and mine and … what… am I without you… am I without you?

 

Where did you go? … did you go where you belong white knight? … heaven … can you come back… no… witch is all nuts… so where do I go without you?... wanna go with you… don’t wanna be without you… want you to open your eyes… brown and deep… like coffee and whiskey… so good to look in your eyes… and now… nothing anymore… all gone… wanna go with you… meet you again… where do you go, pet? luv? nummy?... suicide closes the doors to heaven pet… didn’t you know?... where… are you lost somewhere in between?... lost?... are you scared?... oh god, luv, don’t be… protect you… I swore to keep you safe… couldn’t, couldn’t… always want to keep you safe… never lost again. I promised… promised you!… do i go there too?... not all bad anymore, am I?... we’ll see… nummy… won’t we?... you’ll be there, won’t you? …meet me there?… wait for me pet? luv, wait for me there?... I’ll be there… soon see you again… won’t I? see you again?... wait nummy… I’m gonna find you… find you there and take care of you… keep you safe… forever - we still have forever if we find each other there, won’t we? still have forever, luv?... gonna see you there... wait, just a moment… no longer lost then… my nummy, mine …somewhere in between… yours forever… Spike

 

 

*the end*