34 - Possession I

 

~ Spike ~

Treckle's scream inside of my head wakes me instantly. Can't believe I fell asleep, wasn't that strenuous after all, just felt ... weirdly safe afterwards.

It's about 3 a.m. Time most of the customers go home and some of the nastier things stick their horned hairy heads out and want to have some fun. I'm up and in my clothes before Xander even stirs. Boy turns on his side, shivers. Back in a bit, promise.

I comb my fingers through my hair twice, duster, fag and seconds later I'm at the threshold to the club, lighting the fag and taking a deep drag whilst I try to figure out what's going on.

Why the bloody hell is Treckle dancing like that with *my* sire?

 

~ Xander ~

The hollow clicking sound of the door closing rips me out of the satisfied darkness in which I was drifting. It's nearly pitch black around me, still I can see pretty well. The apartment is empty, no sound other but my own breathing and heartbeat. I feel cold somehow. Alone.

I sit up, grimacing about the dried cum on my belly, the soreness of my ass. What a night. And still I'm hungry. Blood hungry. Or is that thirsty, blood thirsty, yep.

Why did Spike leave? He's regretting it already? Nah, didn't feel like that. After all it was 'just' sex. Men don't regret having sex. I don't even think Spike gets the concept of regret at all. Vampire, soulless, gorgeous, damn good kisser, lover. I shiver. Cold, feel so cold. Need clothes.

 

~ Spike ~

Didn't know the poof could dance like that. Angelus, yes, that bastard moved gracefully, light footed, elegantly with the nearly obscene ‘wanna fuck you’ attitude, but Angel? The soul, the guilt and the weight of the bloody world is dragging him down so hard, you'd think he's covered in cement.

I drag at my fag again, take in the smoke, letting it course through my system, enjoying the sensation of being warmed from the inside even if only for a few seconds. I watch the two move to the music. I know that he knows I am here even though he doesn't look up, doesn't give away, he’s concentrating completely on his dancing partner.

Finally he turns Treckle around, grabs the half-demon‘s lean hips, long fingers sprawled on black leathers, nearly reaching the heavy bulge in the front. Angel pulls T back abruptly while he thrusts forward, crotch meeting ass, hard.

Just for a second my eye lids flutter, remembering in detail how that almost brutal thrust feels, with clothes, without them. T throws his head back, the long dark blue hair flowing like a waterfall at night and I concentrate so I can hear T groan, entirely lost in sensations.

At that moment, my sire looks up, grins at me, animalistic lust blazing golden through whiskey eyes and I have to suppress the urge to kneel down and beg. You'd think that one hundred years would be enough to delete eighteen years of intense training - but well, some things just stick with you for eternity.

I take another long, deep drag from my fag while I watch my sire's strong fingers slide over T's body, thighs to chest, tugging at taut nipples and back down, touching the hardness there but not...

Torturing with tenderness, Angelus' real finesse, undiscovered by the bloody Watchers Council, or maybe those wankers just a bunch of homophobes, too inhibited to write down the truth. Pffft - I snort. The Watcher's porn diaries. The world would be better for it, I tell you.

 

~ Xander ~

Whoa, my ass feels weird. Not bad, nor not good, but weird. Spike's cock was inside my ass. God, I'm gay. I am sooo gay. I got fucked. By a guy. No, by a vampire. I am not only gay, I am a freak. And I am thirsty. I make my way over to the fridge, open it and drink from the orange juice, the milk, try the coke and even eat a couple of twinkies, but still... I need Spike. Spike's blood. Where the hell is he? Need to find him.

I go over to my room and search for suitable clothes. The jeans and shirt I wore before are too rumpled, even for the low lights down in the club. Hm. My gaze falls on the bag Spike threw at me yesterday. Or the day before yesterday. God – time's completely going by me unnoticed. Can't remember ever being so free, so light-hearted before. I take a deep breath and pull the black leather pants out of the bag. The material feels cool but soft and I realize I am actually looking forward to feeling it against my skin.

 

~ Spike ~

When the song finally ends, even I can smell T's precum. Delicious.

Angel gives Treck a shove in the direction of the bar and he stumbles off with weak knees. I drop the fag, crush it out with the heel of my boot and, without looking up, I know my sire is watching me intently. I sigh, shakily and nod to myself before I straighten my shoulders and go over to my creator. Why the hell did he have to come here? I told him everything was fine, is fine, couldn't be better. Xander's upstairs, truly fucked and waiting for me. Why did he come? *grrrr*

When I reach him I look up, meet his intensely speculating eyes and, before I have a chance to say anything, – because I had no intention of dancing with him – he grabs me and pulls me flush against him. He buries his head in the crook of my neck, inhales deeply, scents me and then draws back, seemingly satisfied. I feel tension leaving my body, I feel relieved he didn't try anything weird like claiming me right in front of everybody and then I catch a glimpse of his face. His true face, eyes blazing furiously and his lips half open, showing off razor sharp tips of white fangs. Fuck. What the hell is wrong now?

 

~ Xander ~

Leather is good. Leather is cool. I stretch and turn in front of the bathroom mirror trying to get a good look of how the trousers fit. Just from the feeling of them surrounding my legs and hips, soft but strong, not restraining but holding tight, I'd say they're like made for me. I feel Spike-ish. Oh god. I laugh out loud.

Now I still need something for the upper half of my body and there was nothing else in the bag anymore. Hm. I go over to Spike's room, I hope he won't mind me borrowing something. Nah. I go through the impressive collection of three red, silk button-up's and five black t-shirts before I grab one of the latter. Just hope it won't be belly free when I finally get into it. I laugh again. I feel so good – if you ignore the nagging hunger in the midst of my chest, calling out for Spike's blood.

I pull the t-shirt over my head and down my body. Damn, that's tight, sits like a second skin. I go back in the bathroom, looking at my chest and the tight little nipples significantly prominent under the black cotton. I watch my arms and flex my biceps experimentally, promptly ripping open the right arm of the shirt. Oops. But it looks way better without the arm. Hm. I grin to myself, and rip off all of the right side, then the left side too. Who'd have thought?

I wash my face, comb my hair with wet fingers so it looks gelled but isn't. Damn, Xannyboy, you look great. Like a callboy. Who am I kidding. I fall back on the Spike-must-have-fucked-my-brains-out-I-am-not-responsible-for-anything-anymore-thought and, without another look in the mirror, I go to get my shoes and leave the apartment to search for my little vamp-lover. As I said, Spike has fucked my brains out. I am not responsible for anything anymore. I giggle and go down the steps, enjoying the tight leather rubbing against my cock and ass, the tight cotton straining against my hardened nipples.

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts...

 

~ Spike ~

"His spunk is all over you." My sire growls and crazy possessiveness fills his eyes, making my skin crawl – in a good way. That's bad. That's really bad.

"We had a little..."

"I thought I saved you from being a fuck toy for humans that night." He spits, and I flinch back, images of that night flashing in my head. Soldiers around me, laughing, mocking, degrading and the thick scent of violent lust. Hands, too many to fight off. Feet, kicking too hard, too often to avoid. The pain of the chip going off and off and off...

"You did..." Both our heads whip around to the entrance of the club where, suddenly, Xander stands, confidence and sex practically pouring off him, arrogance and invincibility displayed so blatantly... breathtaking, gorgeous, and just the wrong attitude at the wrong time in the wrong place.

Angel growls and pushes me away. He turns and stalks over to Xander.

Oh bloody fucking hell.

 

35 - Possession II

 

~ Xander ~

I scan the club for my lover. Whoa – my lover. Spike. Spike, my lover. Here, this is my lover Spike. I grin to myself. Love is in the air... Or maybe not…

Angel.

What the hell is Angel doing here? And why is he stomping toward me like a pissed off bull... terrier? I start laughing despite the situation of a pissed off Master Vampire, who happens to be big daddy to my lover vampire, coming towards me to defend the honour of his - oh oh. Urgh.

I am up in the air, gasping for breath and clawing at the strong hand that's wraped around my throat. Fuck - hey, I didn't do anything, did I? Shove off with the yellow eyes and grrrr-face, Deadboy.

 

~ Spike ~

Just bloody great. What are we, kindergarten-kids?

I run to catch up with Angel but reach him only after he has lifted Xander off the ground, shaking him like a rag doll, growling: "You hurt my boy!"

Xander, ballsy as always, just stares at Angel, the left-over of a smile on his face or maybe the beginning of one, which pisses Angel off even more. So he does smell faintly of fear, but not enough to sooth Big-dark-and-broody here.

"Let him down, Angel. He didn't hurt me." I say, in the most commanding voice I possess. Bad idea. Angel's head snaps around to me and he spits at me: "Since when do you give me commands, childe?" while Xander whimpers under the increased pressure of my sire's grip. Fuck.

 

~ Xander ~

Oooh, love that voice, love when he gets all manly and possessive. I try to grin at him but end up grimacing. Spike grins back though and then grabs onto Angel's arm that still holds me up. He shakes the arm, trying to loosen up Angel's grip on me but only succeeds in shaking me too, like a rag doll. Change of tactics, please. Needing air here. And soon.

"Spike is mine. You will not touch him again. Do you understand?" Angel growls at me, eyes flashing and nothing but rage in his demonic face. I wouldn't agree, nor nod my head, even if I could. Spike is his own man..pire. Doesn't need daddy anymore.

Anger starts to slowly dim the light-hearted happiness I just felt and I bare my teeth at Neanderthal-vamp in an aggressive fashion. Not gonna give Spike up this easily and I can't remember ever feeling this good in my life and Broody here has just destroyed it. I grab the arm holding me with both my hands and use it to pull me up, then put my legs around Deadboy's waist, crossing my ankles I squeeze his middle tight and now have a relatively good position on his hips to concentrate on getting his hand off my throat. I fucking hate to be strangled.

 

~ Spike ~

I admit I adore Xander's survivor mentality. Good move he did there but I hate to see him this close to Angel. My sire's arm has come around Xander's waist, a reaction on instinct but I hate to see him holding my boy like this. I feel the possessive rage of the demon surge to the surface and my face changes, seconds later I roar and rush forward and sink my fangs hard into the bulging cords of my sire's forearm. This move should at least direct the attention completely toward me. Unauthorized biting of an elder is bloody asking for your own dusting. Fuck it. Angel hasn't played along vampire lore in a long time.

 

~ Xander ~

Out of the corner of my eye I see Spike change and growl, then surge forward and bury his fangs in Angel's arm. I look back into Broody's face and the blatant disbelief and surprise in his features would have made me chuckle if I didn’t have this feeling that something very important was happening right here. I know biting is a delicate matter for vampires, have been on the receiving end of a furious Spike but this somehow seems bigger.

Only a moment later, I am on the floor, having fallen from the sudden withdrawal of Angel's hands and body. I look over to my right and see Spike pinned down to the floor. Angel has grabbed his hair and presses him down with his forearm still across Spike's mouth, fangs mercilessly boring into his flesh, but he doesn't seem to feel it.

"Are you challenging me, childe?" Angel growl-hisses very lowly, threatening Spike whose hands try to find some leverage in his sire's clothing to get out of the practically helpless position he's in.

 

~ Spike ~

You bloody tosser! You wanker, let me go! My fangs! That... ow! I shred mercilessly into the poof's skin but he is sooo pissed off he isn't even noticing it. I drink down the steadily flowing blood greedily. Wouldn't waste good Sire's blood.

Damn, I saw Xander fall. Is he alright? Stop pulling on my hair, you sissy. I growl and start kicking but Angel's fat thigh holds me down, his knee digging into my groin. Fucking huuuurts!

I cease struggling, doesn't do anything to get him off me. I suck harder on the deep wound. Bloody good ... blood. Poof frowns, as much as a vamp is able to in full fighting mask, and then wrenches his arm away in sudden realization. Never been the brightest, huh?!

I grin at him and lazily lick away the blood smeared on my lips. Angel fumes, not sure what to do. No action always got the most brutal reaction, but that was a hundred years ago. He can't chain me up and beat the shit out of me, then fuck me in my own blood *now*, can he?

 

~ Xander ~

I swear I'll never understand why Spike just *has* to piss people off. I mean okay, so Angel appeared here in Spike's... lair and attacked me, his... lover, without any reason BUT I am sure he - okay, I give up. Spike only tried to defend me against the soulful avenger. He defended me, defended! me! Me! A cheesy smile crawls onto my face while I stare down at my saviour and feel like a girl. Still, it is kinda cute. It's not as if I really had a chance against Not-evil-anymore, man against vampire is still an uneven fight after all.

Somehow Spike and Angel came to a tie, just from the smile on the bloody lips of my lover everybody can see he feels he won it, but somehow I can't shake off the feeling that nothing, absolutely nothing is resolved yet.

Slowly, to not shock them back into action, I get back on my feet. I look around and see that the last customers have already left - who would risk it to get between these two? - and that Rasplar and Maerg are watching the scene with wide eyes.

Treckle seems to be frozen to the spot with two glasses in his hands, he looks too pale even for him and somehow scared is not a look that goes with him at all. I suppress the grin. I, Xander Harris, common mankind, am not scared in the face of evil, demons or aliens nor in the depths of the apocalypses, but that Treckle, demon in origin, gets weak knees from watching a little bloodplay. Hah. Who's superior! Who is superior?!

My eyes trail back to Spike. His lips are ruby and look wet -kissable- in the twilight of the Twilight. Bad pun, Xander. He managed to get the arrogance out of his face and looks seriously at Angel.

"I didn't intend to challenge you, Sire, Head of the Aurelius bloodline. I only protected what, according to the lore of the Aurelius bloodline, belongs to me, as long as I don't give up my ownership willingly or am challenged and defeated over it. If anything, you, Sire, challenged me over the ownership of the human."

 

~ Spike ~

I just hope the poof realizes his mistake and does not go into the small-print. Ownership can only be claimed by marking the human for whatever purpose for everybody to see or by siring the human for whatever purpose. He already tricked me once, as I could never claim Dru as mine as long he didn't give permission to his 'property' or I'd challenged and defeated him or he was killed and, therefore, Dru was free. Not to mention that it was a wonderful thing to torture me with. Whatever I did, asking, screaming, begging, blackmailing, he never gave the permission and he knew I wouldn't challenge him then.

Angel looks straight into my eyes. I can practically see the cogs turning in his head. Slowly the anger fades away and with it the vampiric forms and sadness bleeds into his eyes when he realizes just another little aspect of the bloody piece of metal in my brain. Can't even claim my ownership and under normal vampiric circumstances I wouldn't be able to hold onto my pets or my mate without marking them, nor could I build up the structure of the bloodline by siring minions or childer. No bite means no bite. Time he gets that. Stubbornly, I stick my chin up, not letting on how miserable my situation makes me and how much more his pity increases it.

Finally, Sire nods and relief floods me only to fade away quickly with his next words.

"We have to talk. You and me. You, me and the boy. I want to have everything clear and out in the open when I claim you back as my property and mark the boy to gift him to you."

 

36 - Possession III

~ Xander ~

The way Spike pales, tells me, he’s not in the least happy with Angel’s solution. I don’t know what they’re talking about exactly but I don’t want Spike to be Angel’s property. Well du’h, who wants to be Angel’s? Seriously, with all that brooding and dissappearing when ever you count on him? And I’m not some kind of gift. Free individual here with a will and choices here with rights the constitution garants me.

“Not gonna happen.” I hear myself say. Angel turns to me and tries to stare me down. Didn’t ever work before, won’t work now.

“Xander, ‘s not the right time.” Spike says and steps in front of me. Doesn’t matter. Angel and I we’re both tall enough to continue with our starring contest over Spike’s head.

“Xander...” Spike tries again and my hand goes out, touches Spike’s hipbone gently before holding onto him hard.

“He’s not your property. He’ll never be.” I say to Angel, still holding his gaze. At first his lip curls up, shows elongated teeth, threatening, before his face suddenly changes into amusement and then he laughs. He actually laughs at me. And a laughing Angel is just outright creepy.

I feel like a fool. I don’t think there was joke in my speach somewhere. At least I didn’t get it. I feel Spike’s hand on top of mine and losen my bruising grip on his hip. Angel turns away, crosses the short distance where Treckle still waits, two drinks in his shaking hands. I try to let go off the pressure sitting tight on my neck and shoulder. How can things go from unbelieveable awesome to damn fucking messy so fast?

Frustrated I sigh and finally look down at my vampire. His face is closed off, not displaying any emotion but when I meet his gaze I can see he’s furious and helpless at the same time. I can’t help it, my left hand comes up to curl around his head. My thumb strokes along Spike’s sharp cheekbone and then I lean down, kiss him, softly on his lips. No tongue. Just reassuring him of my... commitment to him.

~ Spike ~

Not a lot things that scare me. But this one, this one is making me piss my bloody pants. That damn bastard’s right. It‘s the lore, and all, but I’m not going to let him take away my Master status. That’s not going to happen. No bloody way.

Xander’s sweet and nobody’ll take him away from me but he’s got to follow some rules now. The poof is around and he already had Xander choking to death once this evening. Doesn’t matter how good Xander’s body feels against mine, can’t have my sire think I’m weak. Got to proof that even with the chip I can still enforce my rights as a Master vampire on my own.

I flash my eyes at Xander and growl. Uncertainity creeps into his face and he losens the grip on my hip, let’s his hand fall away from my face. “You’ll keep your gob shut and I’ll deal with this mess. Don’t get between my sire and me, I warn you.”

He takes a step back when I invade his personal space even more. He’s confused and scared, I can smell it, but I don’t have time to sugarcoat the what’s what for him. I don’t have time to explain it, either. Fuck. This is so messed up.

~ Xander ~

Just great. Angel’s gotten Spike all rilled up and I don’t even know what the fuck goes on. I feel like a kid and wait for them to send me in my room so they can talk without disturbences. No way. They’re talking about my ass anyway and I’ll have a say in that. At least, I hope.

I watch Angel drown the two drinks, one after another, Treckle got them to enjoy together. Oh really, they such a good pair. Didn’t think Angel’d go for guys but I didn’ think I’d go for guys just a couple of days back. Fuck. Did Angel and Spike...?

Don’t get between my sire and me suddenly has a completely new meaning. I’ve got to look away. Hey shoes, interesting shoes hi! Guess that answers a lot of questions, huh?

~ Spike ~

What the hell is wrong now? Misery is pouring off of him so strongly it’s disgusting.

“Hey, nothing’s going to happen to you, luv. You’re mine and I look out for what’s mine.” I say to him calmly and lift his chin up so he has to look at me. He still manages to look everywhere but in my eyes.

“But you’re his.” He says and I explode.

“That’s exactly the point. I am not his! I am a Master in my own right and I belong to nobody!” I yell and shove Xander backwards. He loses his footing and falls on his ass. Just great. Pillock. “Get up and go upstairs.” I hiss and turn away. Awkwardly, Xander gets back on his feets, shoulders slumped he shuffels off. Nothing like the gorgeous man he was only half an hour before, I notice regretting the transformation.

I look over to where the poof stands, Treckle adoring him and dabbing at his forearm wound with a wet cloth, fussing. Angel’s staring back at me and I don’t wait for any kind of permission before I turn and follow Xander up the stairs.

~ Xander ~

Don't know what I was thinking. Thought I’d be someone special to Spike. Ha, Xander, just because nobody ever fucked your ass before doesn’t mean you’ll be Spike’s one and only also. Fuck. I feel tears closing up my throat, I’m so dissappointed and frustrated. Angel’s not allowed to just come by and spoil the party. We were doing fine on our own. I hate that Angel makes Spike feel small and that that makes Spike make me feel small and... The deep rumble in my belly interrupts my thoughts and the hunger breaks through the surface of anger violently. Fuck. Not now. I double over, barely catching myself on the door frame.

“Spike.” I groan and am so happy to feel him behind me, helping me keep upright and shoving me through the door. “I’m so hungry, Spike.”

~ Spike ~

Oh bloody hell, not now! Just the thought of him feeding off of me again makes me blindingly hard. This boy’s got to have the worst timing ever!

There’s a knock on the doorframe and I turn around surprised, swaying Xander with me. Angel. Oh fuck. I reverse, the poof has the worst timing ever! Gritting my teeth in frustration I just barely get the Glesha out to invite my sire in. I see Treckle behind him but then Angel closes the door into Treckle’s face and I don’t need to consider inviting him in, too, anymore. At least, one good thing.

Xander’s used my distraction to plaster himself against me and he sucks on my neck hard, drawing blood to the surface but not breaking the skin. One lesson learned at least.

“Need help with him?” Angel says smirking and makes a show of watching Xander’s attempts.

“No.” I grit out and finally make it over to the kitchen table where I manage to set Xander down on one chair and extract myself from him with just a couple of really threatening growls.

Angel sits down in the chair directly next to Xander and I fight another growl from escaping, this time directed at Angel. I go over to the fridge, open it and stare blankly inside. I need to calm down and think about the next steps. I won’t let him trick me.

“Are you hungry, Xander?” Angel singsongs and I wonder again just how much of Angelus he resurrected over the last couple of years or if this just some kind of tactic play for him.

Xander put his head onto his crossed arms onto the table and from the depth of his own darkness he answers: “Fuck off.” Good boy. I grin to myself.

“You sure not hungry?” Angel asks again and the smell of sire’s blood hits the air. I whip around. Angel put down his arm on the table, Xander has straightened in his chair and stares at the reopened gashes where I buried my own teeth half an hour before. Blood is slowly seeping out of the wounds and running down Angel’s pale skin to pool on the dark wood table, looking like rich red wine.

“Go on, Xander. Take a sip. I promise, it’s the best you’ll ever have.” Angel whispers seductively at Xander who shivers violently, licking his lips.

 

37 - Doubts

~ Xander ~

I concentrate on doing nothing, my head resting on my arms when Angel starts to taunt me. My situation is bad enough. Hello? I’m needing a vampire’s blood or I’ll go crazy, as if needing blood in the first place isn’t crazy enough.

To fuck off is what I told Angel, but as soon as I smell the blood my body’s on a different wavelength to my mind. I bite the inside of my lower lip so hard, it splits open and bleeds. At least with the potent smell of Angel’s blood in the air, that soothes the burning need inside me a bit.

It’s hard, but I drag my eyes away from the bleeding wound on Angel’s arm and look over to Spike. He looks wary, impossibly angry, too, but mostly wary of my reaction to Angel’s taunting. Pfft. Angel, really, I’m not that easy. My loyalty is way stronger than my urge for blood.

Still, I wish, someone’d give me some directions. “Spike?”

~ Spike ~

I need to give the boy more credit. I can see him fight the hunger, the need for blood. His will is strong, but he can’t withstand forever. He needs help, needs blood to quench the urge.

“Come here, Xander.” I say and hold my hand out for him. He doesn’t hesitate as I thought he would. His warm fingers close around my hand and I pull him towards me until his chest presses against mine.

His eyes are dilated, their expression a mix of anxiety and hunger. He chews on his bottom lip and I decide that’s my job.

As soon as I lean in to kiss him, he forgets about his inhibitions and kisses me back fiercely. His mouth opens to my tongue and the sweet taste of his (own) blood welcomes me. I refrain from moaning, barely, and dive deeper inside him while my fingers tighten in his hair and pull his head back to give me even better access.

~ Xander ~

Kissing is good, really, but it makes me want to taste Spike even more. I’m trembling with the urge for his blood. It’s hard, but I manage to slowly withdraw from the kiss.

“Spike... please?” I beg, my eyes locked on his. I hope, I really hope, he’ll give me what I want because it’s damn hard to hold back from just taking it. I feel Angel’s gaze burning holes in my back, he’s watching the scene so intently. I wonder what he thinks, wonder what he meant when he said he’d claim Spike back. Still, Angel is nothing to worry about right now. Being in Spike’s arms, being kissed and hopefully fed soon, that’s what’s important. We can deal with Angel later. Still wish he’d just poof.

Spike pulls my head down so that his lips touch my ear. “Gonna feed you now, Xan. Remember the rules.” He whispers and my heart starts hammering in anticipation.
“Please.” I whimper.

I swear I can hear Spike’s skin break when he sinks his teeth deeply into his wrist. The smell of his blood makes me dizzy and, hungrily, I close my mouth around the offered wound.

~ Spike ~

Bloody fucking hell. I just can’t hold back the satisfied moan when Xander starts sucking. The boy swallows me down so greedily, so openly desperate; every vampire’d be proud to call this one his own.

I check on the poof. His eyes, more gold than brown, are fixed on Xander and me. I can pratically smell Angelus pouring off of him. Guess only Angelus himself could find a trap complicated enough to catch himself in it.

I grin at my sire who growls right back. “It’s enough.”

Xander whimpers again, sucks harder, desperate to get more blood. I curl my hand around the back of his head, protecting, encouraging him to take as much as he needs.

“I say when it’s enough.” I say with clenched teeth, hard gaze directly into my sire’s eyes. Com’on, bastard, try to take mine away from me. “He’s mine. I decide.”

Angel smiles sadly and that’s such an uncommon gesture it makes me tremble in fear and I’m shaking inside my boots. Of course, I’d never admit that. I cock my head, eyebrow raised in challenge. “What?”

“That’s the point, boy. He’s not marked. He’s everyone’s, anyone’s.” Angel’s smile grows into something ugly, something sinister. “He’s as much mine as he’s yours.”

“No.” I growl. “No. You promised.” Xander’s stopped sucking and licks on the wound now, closing it with gentle licks. I feel him tremble against me. Damn, he must be scared shitless. “Promised?” He asks, barely audible. I ignore him.

“You said the chip didn’t change anything. You said you’d still accept me as a Master in my own right!” I yell at Angel who has this understanding puppy look on his face.

Angel smiles self-depreciatingly. “Things have changed. You’re not safe anymore. I’m your sire and I protect you from what threatens you. Your... human is a danger to you.”

~ Xander ~

Spike explodes into anger and I just keep holding on to him. He howls with rage at Angel’s words. I wish I knew what they’re talking about.  They’re talking Master, Sire, Rights and Property... isn’t there some kind of vampire’s advocate around? I think I need one.

One thing I know for sure though, I don’t want Angel’s hands or mouth or –shudder- cock anywhere near me. I’m a Spike boy, I’m Spike’s boy, pet, mate, whatever and I don’t need bite marks to prove that. Well, maybe in vampiric circles I do. Urgh. Time for something drastic, I guess.

“So, come on, claim me then. Mark me. Whatever. But get that bastard’s rights off of me.” I say, sounding surer than I feel. Spike’s shocked into stillness and just looks at me with eyes of golden fire.

Angel laughs and applauds. “Well, Xander-boy, that’s not exactly the point here. It’s not about you. I’ve the same rights on your ass whether you’re claimed by Spike or not claimed at all.”

I don’t believe him. I really try to not believe him. What the fuck does he mean? “Spike?” Explain please and now.

Spike stays silent, his gaze locked onto his sire while he chews on his bottom lip.

“You see, Xander, if Spike claimed you, you’re his, but as I’m his Sire, everything that’s his is mine, too. Spike’s got a right to veto, still. But I can’t remember a single time he said no to me.” Angel smiles at me apologetically. That bastard!

“Oh shut the fuck up, Deadboy, as if you’d want me in any way.” I finally spit at him, fed up with his game. I’m not gonna let him sway me. Spike wouldn’t do anything I don’t want. I trust him.

“Again, not everything is about you, Xander-boy.” Angel grins at Spike.

“Spike, hello, earth to Spike!” He drags his furious eyes away from his Sire and meets my gaze. Underneath the anger, I can see the fear and insecurity which throws me. “Explain a few things, please?” I ask him, gently, and he looks away.

~ Spike ~

What’s left to tell? Sire’s got it all covered. Boy’s scared. I’m helpless. Buggered, really.
I need time to think. Wish I could leave, take a breather, have a fag, anything. Can’t leave the whelp alone with him. Can’t leave him alone with Xander. Can’t think with both of them waiting for me to share. Come on, Spike, damn it, think!

Oh, I love to feel Xander against me. He’s warm and pliant, strong and loyal. I’m glad we’re reunited, my Sire and me. I can’t give up my Master rights. Can’t. Really, I just cannot cave in and be Sire’s boy again. Not even for Xander…

Oh, bloody hell. The promise of a human, this human, Xander, as my mate, as my Sire’s gift for me, mine for eternity…

Things I’d dreamed of from the moment I woke up in my Sire’s arms and nursed myself on his heart’s blood and here they are on a silver plate only about 100 years too late, but still as seductive as they’d’ve been the first time around - if he’d ever been as considerate then as he pretends to be right now.

Fuck, right, what options are there?

1) Have Xander safe and sound and mine by losing my Master rights and forever live as it pleases my Sire

or

2) Have Xander as long as
a)   he does not kill me when the urge overwhelms him completely or
b)   he’s not killed by another vampire or
c)    he’s not claimed by another vampire who

aa) is not  my own sire...
or
bb) is my own sire...
and who’d then have Xander which brings us back to 1). Yeah.

I guess there’s only one choice: option number 3.

“Get the hell out of my flat, my club, my town, my unlife, Angel, before I lose all my patience.” Xander stiffens in my arms, shocked by my sudden outburst. The Poof doesn’t seem surprised at all. He stands up, every movement controlled and dangerously slow. He poorly hides an Angelus-y grin on his face – damn bastard knows me too well - and his eyes flash golden, his face changes when he speaks:

“Okay, my boy, let’s do this the hard way. Xander, you get out of the way now.”

 

38 - Fighting Doubts

~ Xander ~

I will most definitely not go out of the way! What the fuck is going on? I’m not some kind of thing they can decide over on their own! I struggle and finally manage to turn around while still holding onto Spike who changes into his true face, growls loudly at Angel, who also wears the demonic part to the front, and advances slowly.

Just great Xander, how did you manage to get yourself between the two pissed off Master Vampires again? Ah right, drank the blood of one of them and refused the blood of the other. Pure genius.

“No, Angel, not going to happen. I’m not leaving before someone explains this macho shit to me!”

“Come on, pet, move before you get hurt.” Spike says in a low voice and did anyone ever notice that he’s fucking lisping with the fangs out? Guess that’s hysteria making me laugh over this little detail now. Spike shoves me slowly away from him and to the side but I keep holding onto him. I’m not gonna let them fight this out like rabid dogs.

“No. You stop this, right now. Both of you.” I glare at Angel, but it has no effect. He’s nearly reached me, but before he can touch me, Spike’s grip gets painful around my arms and there’s a bit of struggle, he’s hurting me with hands like forceps, squeezing my flesh to the bone so hard I can feel the blood vessels burst. “Spike.” I pant and then I’m shoved away, I stumble, hit my knee and my hip on the kitchen counter and my wrist screams in pain when I catch my own weight awkwardly on that hand before hitting the floor. “Ow.” I groan.

Seems like my painful moaning is enough reassurement to Spike that I’m still alive and he doesn’t seem fazed at all, continues to clench his fists while he waits for Angel to make the first strike.

~ Spike ~

Told him to get back before he has himself hurt. Stupid boy. Adorable, loyal and courageous, but damned stupid. Impressive stunt he performed though, would have laughed if my Sire wasn’t waiting to beat the shit out of me. I just hope he didn’t twist anything serious. Don’t smell blood, heart and lungs sound okay. He’s alright.

“You don’t touch what is mine.” I growl before I charge forward and bounce right back. Angel was ready for my attck and just threw me against the counter. Ow. Guess he’s not on animal blood anymore. I throw punches in the direction of his face and try to kick him in the balls, but he reflects everything easily. Damned bastard is fast, strong.

“And you’re gonna hinder me how?” Angel asks, voice like honey, dripping with false empathy. “You’re weak as a kitten, my boy.”

Enraged, I concentrate on putting everything in one left hook and finally feel how my knuckles make painful contact with his chin. His head flies back, but he turns back immediately and grabs my wrists in an iron hold. Bloody, fucking fantastic.

~ Xander ~

That fucking hurt. It hurt! Fuck, it hurt! Oh my god. I just realized. Spike can hurt me. That’s great, that’s absolutely great! I’d do the snoopy dance if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand. Alright, Xander, just get back between the two pissed off Master vampires who now both can hurt you.

There are decisions in a man’s life that make you squirm with the lack of choices: Ass or throat to Angel? What’s most uncomfortable for me? Having Angel’s dick press against my ass or having his teeth within inches of my throat? Which makes me feel even more vulnerable?

Throat to Spike – for obvious purposes. I wriggle in between them and barely manage to avoid vital injuries. Spike’s snarling at his sire, spittle hitting my face – thank you – and I feel Angel’s growl vibrating against my neck. The little hairs there erect and a shudder creeps down my spine.

“Spike! Spike! Listen to me, claim me. Come on. I can be yours.” That certainly gets me Spike’s attention. “You can do it. You can hurt me without the chip going off.” I tell him, staring into his eyes, willing him to take me seriously.

~ Spike ~

Must’ve hurt his head or something. Doesn’t know what he’s saying. Stupid, devoted puppy.

“You don’t know what you’re asking. Claiming is forever. I don’t even know if I can with the chip and you… we’ve got to talk about stuff.” I say and Angel grins at me over the boy’s shoulder. Gotta rip that grin off of his face. I growl and Angel winks at me before he starts speaking.

“Right, listen to him, Xander, because if Spike claims you it’s too late anyway. No way to get rid of your addiction anymore. He claims you and gets bored? He stops giving you blood and you’re gonna die. How much do you really like your new boyfriend?”

“I trust Spike.” Xander’s brown eyes bore into mine, his fists knocking against my chest lightly. “I trust you.” He repeats, whispered, fisting my shirt hard.

“Trust Spike? I never trusted Spike, not for a second in his whole existence.” Angel says as he slides back into his human face and laughs.

~ Xander ~

Angel, Angelus, whoever, whatever, laughs. He actually laughs. The bold cynicism underlying his last words would be enough to make me see red. For Spike it’s complete betrayal. I wonder how often and how deeply Angel must’ve already hurt him in the past.

I use all my strength – which is not much – to hold my pissed off Master vampire back. I’ve never seen him as angry as this. The only thing holding him back is that he might hurt me again.

“Maybe that’s where’s your mistake.” I cut in sharply before Angel can add anything more. Wonder is slowly growing in Spike’s eyes and I allow myself a small smile. Gently, I extract myself from Spike and turn around carefully. Don’t want to give either of them an opening for an attack. Angel takes a couple of steps back, allowing conversation.

“Listen – as far as I understand this whole lore thing… If Spike claims me, you get off of our asses, that’s right, right?”

Angel stills and looks at me curiously.

“You’re suprising me again, Xander. Stronger inside than I’d give you credit for on first glance. Your Daddy shaped you up nicely, didn’t he?”

Touché.

~ Spike ~

“Shut the fuck up!” I yell at my Sire. My boy doesn’t need any of his nasty comments. He doesn’t have any right to speak about things he doesn’t understand. “Xander’s mine. He’s not up for discussion.”

“Ouuh. I noticed him before you ever had the chance. When I first came to Sunnydale, I couldn’t bear to be around him. He smelled like everything I wanted to shake off: fear, guilt, torture, submission. But over all he smelled used and I’ve always been a fan of shiny and new, extraordinary things. I didn’t want him, offered him to you.” Angel pauses for dramatic effect. “Remember the school that evening?” He waits for my nod. With faked boredom I roll my eyes and do him the favour, nod once. “You didn’t want him. You threw him away, didn’t you?”

“So what? I changed my mind.” I shrug my shoulders and strengthen my grip on Xander’s hips. He knows I will not change my mind again.

“Yeah, so Angel, nice to know we weren’t meant to become best friends. Thanks for the heart-to-heart. I just want to know if you’re going to back off when Spike’s able to claim me.” Xander breaks in, sounding pissed and indifferent at once. Damn hot.

Angel smiles that sweet smile again. “If my boy asks me nicely?”

“Spike? Would you?” Xander doesn’t sound unsure, he just seems to need my confirmation out in the open for Angel to hear, too.

“Course I’d do it – he’s got to leave us alone. Lore says so.” And it’s time for me, finally, to smile smugly at my bastard sire.

~ Xander ~

Okay, so this is not the best idea I’ve had in a while, but I really don’t see any other way. The addiction is there. Don’t really understand it, but I need Spike’s blood and I’ll continue to do so until I die. At least, that’s what I get from the bits and pieces of their previous fights. There’s no way to ask about that without showing weakness, lacking trust or hesitation in my resolve.

Spike and I – we’re good together. We’ve seen each other’s worlds; have helped each other out in desperation. My addiction, the blood exchange made me feel him deeper than any other person I know and I’m sure his intentions are true to what he says. Everything’s happening way too fast. Barely a couple of weeks ago I was living in my parents basement, terrorised by my own father and now I’m the blood-addicted pet of a Master vampire owning a demon club. I’d call that progress!

“Could you back off?” I spit at Angel, pushing back against Spike.

“Xander – get back to your senses.” Angel is suddenly all Angel again and doesn’t even refrain from using that Giles-voice. “I really can’t let you throw your life away.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I echo Spike’s words. “It’s my life and I’m not throwing it away. I’m dedicating it to Spike, to my…, to my lover for the lack of a better word.”

~ Spike ~

“Mate.” I prompt, voice low and serious. Sire’s eyes fly open in renewed shock. Didn’t think I was going through with this, with Xander as my Mate, did he? I grin.

“Right, I will become Spike’s mate and you’ve got to decide, right now, on what side you wanna play. Either you are Angel or you’re Angelus. You can’t switch this vampire lore shit on and off as you please.” Strong words, pet, really good. You’ve got him.

“Xander, you don’t even know what you’re committing to!” Angel tries again, but this time I cut him off.

“The boy’s right. You’re my Sire, you’d want me to claim a Mate, to broaden the Clan, the blood line. You sure wouldn’t stand between me and my chosen Mate. Choice is yours – be my Sire or be Angel.” I pull Xander even harder to me. I breathe in his scent and listen to his fast pumping heart.

I want Xander and I’ll give anything for him, but I dread to hear Angel refuse his last vampiric anchoring.

I dread to hear my Sire refusing me.

 

39 - Doubtful Victory

~Xander ~

Angel stares at both of us, one after the other, then finally he avoids our eyes and shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry. I can’t be what you need me to be, Spike. Not under these circumstances. I have to save people, save Xander, from bringing harm on themselves.” Angel says, apologizing to me, to Spike?

“Just go, Angel. I’m good where I am and you know it.” I say, putting as much emotion into it as I can. “Spike didn’t bring me here without reason. I can’t go back. I’m not safe anymore where I lived.” I swallow back the fear that overcomes me thinking about my home, the basement, my father... “Same goes for Spike.” I manage to add before my chin starts to wobble with repressed tears.

I feel the change in the room’s atmosphere. I feel Angel giving in and letting go. He’ll leave. But I still can’t shake off the feeling there’s something he isn’t telling us.

“I can’t. I promised to find you, promised to bring you home, safe and sound.” Ah, that’s that.

“Who? Willow? Buffy?”

“Both – all of them. Giles called and told me you disappeared and Spike couldn’t be found either. Giles seem to have an idea on what might be going on.” Angel’s voice is reasonable and warm, his eyes are the same when they try to find Spike’s, as if asking for forgiveness but my soon-to-be-mate doesn’t seem to want it. Refuses to look directly at Angel and when he does, he’s killing with each golden fleck showing in blue.

“Bloody fuck off and just lie to them, tell them you didn’t find us.” Spike hisses, accusation in his voice, icy and sharp. He pulls back and starts wandering the kitchen, movement fuelled with adrenalin and the desire to destroy.

“Xander...” Angel tries, it seems, begging me to understand. There’s something between them, something happened that I don’t get and it hurts me to see Spike so agonized over it.

I just want Angel gone, the sooner the better. He shouldn’t have come here. He could have called. Now things have been discussed, decisions have been made. There’s no reason for him to stay any longer. I can deal with the Scoobies myself. A call, a short visit will be enough to leave me alone. A lie about a job out of town, some circus maybe taking me in, they’d even believe that, find it fitting. Pfft.

“I’ll deal with them. You can leave, tell Giles something came up, you can’t help him out right now. Call him from L.A.”

“Xander... you’ve got to understand that there’s no way back. Once claimed you’re Spike’s forever and you’ll die when he dies. Not instantly, but the urge will drive you crazy, will starve you slowly, will drive you to another vampire who’ll put you out of your misery.”

“I don’t care.”

“But you damn well should!” Angel shouts right in my face. “It’s not a one-way-thing, the same goes for Spike, too! You die, he dies.”

Oh. I haven’t considered that.

~ Spike ~

And why does he care? Just bugger off and stop scaring my mate! I don’t get why that is important for him when he just refused me in every way possible?

“Spike?” Xander asks and looks at me with those puppy dog eyes he’s got perfected.

“It’s true, so what?” Can’t see why that changes a thing. “Look – it’s a forever-deal and I’m ready to make it. Might be we got into it a bit rushed and everything but I’m not going to back down or change my mind or anything.” I tell Xander and turn to address the poof. “And could you now just please piss off? You’re the one forcing this thing along with your threats to take him away from me or sell us out to Kooky and the gang.”

He stares at me but I flick him off, cover with searching for a fag and my lighter.

“Spike, boy, I-“

“Just go.”

“I-“

“You’ve lost all rights you had on me, my mate, the clan- you don’t exist anymore. Not for me.” I say and applaud myself for the calm collected way I string the words together.

Xander stares at me, eyes wide and asking a thousand questions I’ll never answer.
Inside, I’m shaking. The only safety net I’ve ever had – no matter what the circumstances – just vanished into thin air. My sire is gone, refused me, unbound me. He promised to look for a way to get the chip out and I guess, with Xander on my side, chances are nil he’ll still help me with that. I wish I could leave and get pissed and forget everything for a while. Win one thing, lose one. Unlife sucks. I can’t let Xander out of my sight as long as Angel refuses to just the fuck leave.

A hard drag from my cigarette gives me something to concentrate on. Breathe in, slowly, breathe out.

~ Xander ~

I don’t get it. I wouldn’t care if this thing that’s going on wouldn’t be so fucking huge between them. They fight, and obviously, they make up when nobody watches – at least that’s what I get from what I know now. This time, though, it seems they’ve both declared their bond to be non-existent. Can they do that? Does that work?

I thought it was a blood connection, that can’t be undone.

Is it different for a Sire and a Childe? Can the Sire refuse the Childe, can he kinda disown the Childe? Cast it out? I don’t get it. It’s not Spike who’s out. It’s Angel who threw down all his responsibilities and duties, who stepped back from the position of Spike’s Sire...

Well, I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re cast out or if your Sire retires – you’re left on your own both ways.

I’m just glad Angel’s got no rights on my ass anymore. My ass belongs to Spike alone. I mean, it’s my ass. Mine. But Spike’s the one who I might like to—

“Alright. I’ll leave.” Angel murmurs. “Take care of him, Xander. Whenever you need anything I can help with, call. And think about your decisions before you make them. It may save your life.”

I nod, somehow touched by the gentle way Angel looks at me. He stops before turning, tries to make eye contact with his Childe a last time, but Spike doesn’t even look in his direction.

I follow Angel to the door and close it softly behind him. Finally, we are alone. Finally. Finally.

Spike stares off into distance, a million miles away from the here and now. I wonder what goes on in his head, what he thinks about. He doesn’t seem to be talkative... I’ll go over to him anyway, to where he leans against the kitchen counter taking slow drags from his cigarette.

He actually jumps when I touch him, eyes wild and surprised.

“You okay?” I ask, gently holding his wrist with my fingers, thumb stroking the back of his hand.

“I’m-“ He says and breaks off, looking into my eyes intently. “You did well. I’m proud of you.”

I can feel my cheeks go red and my cock twitch which really is an uncommon combination. Spike doesn’t seem to think so, he smirks at me when I look at him from under my lashes. The hard pressure we were both under for the time Angel was around suddenly falls away, leaves me giddy and happy. We won! We’re both here, unhurt, and Angel is gone. I lift my head and smile at Spike openly.

~ Spike ~

Who could resist that smile? His eyes twinkle and he shines love from inside. I crush my fag in the ashtray on the counter before I grab his low cut pants, fingertips gliding under the leather, touching pubic hair, and pull him against me. “I’m so proud.” I tell him again. Thank you. Thank you for withstanding Angel, for not leaving me, for being on my side.

I kiss him, seek his love, his belief in me. I feel strangely hollow, there’s an unfilled place inside of me where once my Sire’s assurance was settled. I haven’t felt this... abandoned since Angelus got the soul and left us. Even then, I knew he was there, open for the Bloodline’s call.

Xander mewls inside my mouth. Desperate kitten. He attempts to take the leading role in our kiss, but I can’t give him that. I’ve got to stand up for myself, I’ve got to be enough for both of us to rely on. I grab onto his hips, hard, leaving bruises probably, and grind my cock against his. He’s hard and leaking for me already, I can feel it, smell it, even through all the layers of clothes. I let my hands roam up his back and hold onto his shoulders, then ever so slowly pull him, then push him down.

He catches on fast, gives me an unsure half-smile, but sinks down to his knees in front of me. He looks up at me, bangs in his eyes and lips parted. Yes. With unsure fingers, trembling arms, he reaches up, opens my jeans, button by button by button by button.

Finally, he frees my straining cock, touches it with hands that are scorching heat. I stroke his head, pet him. “Come on, Xander. Come on.” I barely restrain myself from harshly pulling him in – he takes so long to close the distance between his mouth and my leaking length, but ultimately it’s the anticipation that makes this so delicious. Shock of the tip of his tongue to my cock, I watch him lick the slit, lap up the clear fluid gathering there.

I’m not going to last long the way he worships me with his mouth. I grab his head, hold onto his hair when he starts to fist my cock in turn with taking it as deeply into his mouth as he’s able to. He gags and I realize for real just what it means that my chip doesn’t react on Xander anymore when I keep shoving my cock deeper into his throat. He doesn’t fight back just let’s go of my length and holds onto my hips instead. I fuck his mouth, make him gag and get off on fucking dominating him. There are tears running down his cheeks, but his eyes are complete pupil, wide from lust. Gorgeous.

Only a second away from the edge, I finally withdraw and fist my cock with my left hand while I use the right to pull his head back sharply. I come over his whole face, semen on his cheeks, his forehead, his lips, his hair...

Fucking gorgeous.

Mine.

Mine forever.

 

40 - Victory Monument

~ Xander ~

I can feel that Spike’s worried, but putting up a tough front. I’m not dumb. I get that fighting with Angel and all the vampire lore stuff must be stressy and awkward to deal with. But he can trust me. I’d do anything so he doesn’t get hurt or worse.

I want to show him that I’m capable of protecting him, too. I just don’t know how. Otherwise I hope we’ll never get into a situation where I have to protect Spike – I don’t want to get into such situations.

My neck feels tender – that’s what you get from being choked and shaken by a master vampire – but not at all as bad as I thought it would. I wonder if there’re even bruises showing.

My knee still hurts from the un-dynamic tumble I took down to the floor and against the counter half an hour ago and I feel it twinge when I get onto my knees. My wrist is okay though, doesn’t mind popping the buttons, one after the other, at all.

I’ve got to get used to this, I guess, okay, maybe it doesn’t need that much persuasion. Spike’s hard leaking cock just looks tasty and incredible arousing. I look up, meet his eyes and they’re dark blue. No gold. Interesting.

The way he pulls at my hair gives away how badly he wants me to suck him and yes, why not. I’d love to.

The taste is salty and my body sings with it, just like it does whenever Spike gives me blood. It’s not as strong, but enough to make me want more. Yes, more. I suck him in, use my tongue along the length for stimulation and can’t help moaning because, fuck, it’s good. It’s great to be filled. Spike goes harder on me, pushes deeper, makes me gag. I can’t help it. I want him to make me open up and lose control. I want him to be everything I can feel and think about. I try to loose my throat, but the more I think about it, the more I gag and so I finally just hold onto his hips and let him fuck my mouth as hard and long as he wants.

I hope it shows in my eyes how much I like it, being taken by him. How much I like it when he takes me, comfortable in the knowledge that I am his completely.

He pulls back and for a second I’m disappointed, but then I feel his come hit my face, several spurts, creating a complete mess. I can feel him growling “mine” and I’m a second away from begging for my own release when he shoves at me, turns me harshly until I’m on hands and knees.

My new leather pants fall to the floor after that awkward tearing sound and my cock is freed finally. I’m able to breathe again! Spike’s hands on my face, wiping off his come just to messily spread it down my ass crack. Fuck!

Spike’s inside of me before I have the chance to protest. Still loose from earlier, my spit and his come on us makes it easy enough, the slight burn just adds the extra shudder going through my body. Spike pumps into me, hard, fast, then his arm finds his way around me and he drags me up against him, cutting me off from air.

There goes the T-Shirt, it rips over my shoulder and the next second I’m screaming.

Intense pain where neck and shoulder meet.

Please is the only thing left in my thoughts and I don’t know what the hell I’m begging for exactly.

 

~ Spike ~

I need to have him.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

It’s a train wreck – I know, but I need to have him, right now.

I’m not gentle, I can’t be gentle right now. I feel like I’m gonna break in a thousand pieces if I’m gentle right now, if I let go on the tight leash I have on my emotions.

Xander turns almost willingly and he moans when I slick him up and shove my fingers, then my cock inside him. Fuck. He feels so good, so hot.

His heart pounds, pumps the blood through his system at a dazzling speed. I can practically hear it rushing through his veins. He sweats and his skin is a complete blush, blood shining rosy through to the surface. He gasps and shudders and I reach around and pull him up, my forearm across his throat, a vampire’s hold onto a victim, a master’s hold onto a subject.

The rest comes from instinct, sniffing, probing, tasting his skin. Approval. Then the change into the true face and finally I sink my teeth deeply inside his flesh, right where neck becomes shoulder, where throat meets collarbone.

He screams – music to my ears.

I suck harder, drink more of his blood and then I pull back, ripping my teeth out of the wound with the most damage I can cause. I look down at the blood still flowing freely from the bite, ragged edges of flesh weeping crimson down his torso and I follow its trail with my hand and pull his cock. He’s so hard and leaking for relief despite all the pain he’s screaming his lungs out for. I jerk his length, his blood slick between my fingers, until he comes, shuddering and clenching his hole around me. Yes. Yes! It throws me over the edge. So powerful I’m shaking.

Mine.

Rightfully mine, marked for life as the lore requires.

Mine.

Mine forever.

 

~ Xander ~

Hurts.

Pain’s the last thing I was aware of – the first thing I am aware of again after the haze of orgasm fades. Did I black out?

Paingasm.

I feel ridiculous giddy, nearly giggly.

"Spike?

"Spike?”

I’m alone, clothes torn I’m lying on the hard floor in come and blood. Rape-victim-style.

"Spike?”

My voice is hoarse. I remember screaming. Carefully, I feel for the wound on my neck. It stings when I touch it and my fingers come away bloody. I lick the blood off my fingers and slowly, oh so slowly, get up on my hands and knees. The room’s turning around me. I feel weak, I hurt all over and Spike’s nowhere in sight.

“Spike?” I try again.

I try to free myself from the remains of my first, my only, my favourite leather pants with shaking hands. It’s cold – okay?!

My chin wobbles and my throat clenches up. “Spike?” I ask again and my voice seems to echo back to me, hollowly. “Spike, please, I need...” I don’t fight the tears anymore and they spill down my cheeks and mix with come and blood.

I’m helpless – can’t even get out of the damn pants that tangle up over my shoes and Spike’s gone, Spike’s gone, Spike’s gone and I cry openly, exhaustion, anger, pain – all this mess catching up with me.

 

The door to the apartment bursts inwards.
Wood breaking and splinters flying everywhere.

 

Willow stands there in the doorway, eyes freaking black, hair billowing in mystic wind. She’s chanting with her hands against the invisible barrier. It breaks – only seconds later. Willow, Buffy, Giles, Riley spill inside Spike’s safe-place like the flood breaking the dam.

I scream inside my head – like that magic man told me – but I don’t get a reply.

“Oh my god, Xander!”

It’s Willow and Buffy, their hands on me and Giles, too. Helping me up, helping me out of a pool of blood and semen and torn clothes.

“I... it’s not what you think...” I stumble and they hold onto me stronger, Buffy’s hands are hot like Spike’s never are. “I... where’s Spike?”

“Thought you could answer that question.” Riley says in that military staccato voice and relief floods me. Spike is not here, but they haven’t gotten to him either. Just where is he?

Giles presses a handkerchief to my bite and I flinch away but can’t get anywhere, Buffy’s grip is like a vice holding me in place.

I shake my head, look down and realize I’m naked, blood and semen on my skin like a perverted tattoo. I don’t have the energy to blush, to do anything. I feel faint.

“I... Spike’s not...”

“Ssshh.” Buffy and Willow quieten me in unison. “Don’t you worry about him. I’ll get him. I promise, I’ll get him and he’s gonna pay for what he did to you.” Buffy says in slayer-voice and panic builds deeply in my gut and rises up my oesophagus until I can’t hold it anymore. I can barely bow forward a little before I’m retching, spilling the contents of my stomach on the floor for everyone to see.

"Oh god! He’s puking blood!” Willow cries. “He has inner injuries! We’ve got to call an ambulance!”

I don’t feel like I’ve got inner injuries, don’t feel that much injured at all, actually.

“Willow.” And that’s Giles voice in that clipped watcher’s tone. “It’s to be assumed that that the blood he dispossessed himself of is not his own.”

“What?” She sounds stunned. “I don’t... why’d he...” She breaks off when I look up at her, finally manage to draw my arm out of her gasp. There’s horror in her eyes. I drag the back of my hand over my mouth, trying to get rid of acid spit and blood still clinging to my lips.

“Does he feel different to you, Buffy?” Giles asks and dark spots start dancing in my eyes.

I can feel her hesitate. I don’t dare to look at her. I don’t want to see the same rejection in her eyes, too. Her grip gets even tighter. Spike won’t like bruises on me, I think inanely.

“No... I don’t think so. No. He feels like Xander, like always.”

"He hasn’t been claimed yet. That is a good sign, he can still be saved...” Giles keeps talking, but I don’t listen anymore.

Not claimed? Spike hasn’t claimed me? But he bit me? Why didn’t he claim me when he could? Why bite me, hurt me and then not claim me? I don’t understand.

And where is he? Has he left me? Has he royally fucked me over and left me to wake up in my own blood and semen, alone and nowhere to go back to and...

My own thoughts start to echo in my head and there’s so much noise suddenly, the blood rushing in my ears and the pounding of my heart while cold envelopes me. The dark spots grow larger and when they merge, when there’s only thick black darkness, I let myself go.

 

41 - Missing

~ Spike ~

I gently put Xander’s body down before I stand up slowly. Quite a mess I made, but it’s exquisite like a piece of art, Xander’s delicate skin marked by bite and blood and seed. I feel my cock already twitching again for this wonderful boy who gives himself to me without question, body, heart and even soul. The last few days, especially the last few hours were a lot to take in and a marking is at least enough to knock-out any human. I can’t stop smiling down at him, the picture he makes – beautiful.

Just when I’m about to gather him up to bring him into our room, lay him down in our bed, there’s a knock on the door. Annoyed, I cock my head and bellow “Go ‘way!”

“Spike! Open the door!” Weird; Sire sounds as if he’s trying to be as silent as possible.

The back of my neck starts to prickle and the feeling of dread grows in my stomach. I rush to the door, open it. Angel is there and he looks... scared?!

“Get the boy, we’ve got to- shit. They’re already here.”

“What?”

“Listen- shit, shit, shit.”

Angel grabs me, one hand over my mouth and tugs me back through the hidden trapdoor. I didn’t even know he knew it was there! I panic because leaving Xander alone is not a choice I’d freely make. Then I hear the voice of the slayer and Willow’s murmur of Latin words. They’re nearly up the stairs already, only seconds away from seeing and getting to Xander! I struggle and try to free myself from Angel’s grip. It’s like iron. He holds onto me stoically, even when I bite the hand he gags me with. There are not a lot of thoughts going on, just: Xanderxanderxander! Need to get him. Need to save him. Need to get him!!!!

I hate Angel for holding me back from protecting what’s mine. I hear them, hear them talk to Xander, pity him and I growl so loudly that my Sire drags me away from them even (more) further, up on the roof through the small escape exit.

I can see them now, half carrying, half dragging Xander, my pet, with them, away from me, away from the Twilight.

He seems to be out again. His body is barely covered by Giles jacket and he must be cold...

I howl into the upcoming dawn, sick sound through the fingers of my Sire while tears of frustration and desperation slide down my cheeks. The sun is climbing rapidly while I watch them taking away Xander, impotent to do anything.

The prickling warning of the sun rising develops into a shrill alarm through my whole body. I don’t care. I’ll go after them even if it’s as a burning fireball. I let myself slump down to the floor, using my whole weight suddenly, I surprise my Sire and he goes down with me, but still holding onto me. I struggle, kick and bite like a trapped animal, but he won’t let me go.

“Would you hold still, boy!” Angel growls in my ear and I hate him from the depth of my heart.

He has betrayed me.

Betrayed me and my boy. How else could Buffy have known from where to look for him? We’re off the radar. The Twilight is spell bound from pure humans and the slayer. I stare at my Sire, with shock and hatred in my eyes. I don’t understand why he did this, why he ratted me and my pet out to the people who’ve only hurt Xander before.

“Let me go!” I try to knee him in his guts and it fills me with satisfaction to see his face contort in pain for a second before he slides his vampiric disguise on to hide it. I spit at him, hit him in this face he shows me, but hasn’t any right to wear anymore. He refused me, refused his own identity and refused our lore. He has no right to just take the benefits. He has no right to use the speed and power and vampiric senses, but discard the duties he has as a Sire as the Head of the Clan, as the First of the Bloodline.

 

~ Xander ~

I wake up the moment they drag me over the threshold of Giles’ apartment, but I keep my eyes closed and my body limp. I wonder if I could run off?

“Sit down with him, Buffy.” Giles says. “He’ll try to get back to Spike the first chance he gets. Watch him closely.”

Well, fuck.

I open my eyes because hiding is not gonna get me out of this. Taking in my surroundings, I find Buffy watching me, but not looking at me directly. Riley sits in an armchair opposite, back straight, lurking. I can hear Giles pull drawers out and shut them in the bedroom, one floor up and Willow is quietly sobbing in the kitchen while she rummages through the cabinets.

I wonder what they’re going to do to me, with me, for me next. Offer to kill me?

“I’d- look, can I take a shower please?” I ask and cringe inside from the tone of my own voice – begging.

Willow stares at me, I can feel her eyes boring into me. “Of course, you can shower. You’re not a prisoner!”

“I’m not?” I bite out. Shit. Think before blubbering out whatever!

“No, you’re not! Why would you think that?” I still remember the time I found her naivety cute, it’s definitely over now. “We saved you.” Oh, really?!

I stand up from the couch and tear the blanket off it with me, making Buffy jump and spring to her feet, helping me pull the blanket around me. I’m not parading around naked in front of you like a... whatever gone bad.

Slowly, I walk over to the bathroom. Darkness is creeping around the edges of my vision again. Need to eat something soon. Need to be strong to get away. I struggle with the blanket, but I manage to reach the bathroom. I’m so looking forward to just a few minutes to myself. Out from under their pitiful scrutiny. A few minutes to get myself together and come up with something like a plan, like a strategy to convince them to let me go.

“Leave the door open, Xander.” Riley commands and hatred wells up inside of me.

“Thought, I wasn’t a prisoner?”

“We just don’t want you to, like, hurt yourself. Just leave the door open a slit. We can hear you... calling for help or something if you need us.” Willow takes over again and I wonder if they’re actually aware of the pressure they’re putting out, they’re putting onto me.

“Willow is right.” Giles says, coming down the stairs. “A vampire’s victim might feel unsteady or even weak from the blood loss depending on the extent of the loss, of course. A claiming bite, however, has quite the opposite effect, making the victim - well, it’s reciprocal, so it’s not a victim, the chosen human is called ‘Mate’ – so, the Claiming strengthens the Mate, makes them an equal companion... but literature is dissonant on that. There hasn’t been proof yet, that a Claiming has those, let’s call them, positive effects...”

“Look – thanks for the lecture, G-Man. Thought you said I wasn’t claimed, so-” I try to hide the bitterness that threatens to break me apart from the inside. “Shower, right?”

“Of course, Xander. Here are some clothes for you to put on.” He gives me what feels like a well worn jogging suit in a dark grey colouring. “There will be enough time later to discuss your... experience. I’m rather interested what you were exposed to.”

While Riley just wants to kill me, Giles wants to start the autopsy pre-mortem. Yay!

With friends like these, who needs enemies?!

 

~ Spike ~

I dunno how long we fight and roll around on the roof, boxing, kicking and biting at each other until Angel manages to throw both of us through the trap door. Back inside the building, away from the sun’s deadly rays, but I continue fighting him. I will not back down this time, even if exhaustion is already making my limbs shake.

Through the red haze of fury and fear it takes time for Angel’s words to get through to me. His voice is gentle, soothing and he’s repeating the same phrases over and over:

“I’ll get him back. I promise, Childe. I’ll get him back to you and help you get away. I promise, Spike, as your Sire I promise it.”

“I don’t believe you.” I can’t believe you. You destroyed me with your refusal to stand on my side.

“Look, Spike. I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” I look at him strangely. “Another one. I didn’t do right by you, but I want to help you now.” A little too late for that, don’t you think?

“Why should I believe anything at all you say, Angel?” I’d rather punch you in the nose.

“They’ve got Xander and pretty soon he’s going to go crazy with hunger. They won’t get it. The watcher’s going to try all kind of things and I’m not so sure that soldier boy they’ve got there has all his brain cells in working order-“

“You’re just jealous, cos he gets to fuck her.”

Angel growls at me. Okay, so maybe I deserve that.

“All I see is that there’s no chance in hell Xander’s going to get out of this mess on his own and you’re not the one who can get him out of there, either-“

“But you are?”

“Yes.”

What the bloody fuck. Great choices I’ve had today. Sire here and Xander here. Sire gone but Xander here. Sire here but Xander gone. And now I’ve got to trust Angel, after all the shit about being human and life/death/lore decisions, that he’ll get my pet back to me. No way.

“Spike-”

“Oh, come on. There has to be another way.” Think, think, think.

“Spike, childe. We, ... you’ve got no choice. You can’t go there, they’ll kill you first and ask questions later. Xander’s going to suffer all life long from your marking.”

I risk looking up into Angel’s eyes, doubtful about his intentions, but he doesn’t look away, doesn’t waver under my silent inspection, just continues speaking: “You’ve marked him alright, boy. He’s yours, for everyone to see.”

I grin before my face falls again. I already miss Xander. I sigh; I give up. Not the first time I have to trust my sire without any guaranties.

“He needs to get out of there before they... stake him or something. He’s pretty far gone, can’t say how much more greatly increased the hunger’s going to be with my marking on him now. Get him back for me, Sire? Please?” I say and beg with my eyes. He is the only way I can get Xander back without endangering one or both of us even more.

“I’ll get him back. 24 hours tops. Whatever it takes.” Angel says and he’s sincere as far as I have ever been able to tell.

“Whatever it takes, alright. You get him back here, if he wants to come back here, become my Mate and everything. I’ll wait for him. Don’t want the boy to do anything he doesn’t want to.”

“I will, childe. I’ll bring him back.” Angel presses roughly against me, finds my mouth with his own. His tongue bleeds heavily from where he’s bitten it to make the promise in blood like vampire lore demands. How can he switch so fast between our lore and human rules? I just let myself taste the truth in his kiss and try not to be eager for more. However, before more than a blood promise grows between us, Angel gets back on his feet and disappears down the stairs in the direction of the sewer entrance in the basement.

Shaking, I stand up and make my own way downstairs. Got people to look after, Treckle and my employees and a club to care for. Gotta see the damage that’s been done and hope nobody important died. Gotta keep busy, that’s all.

24 hours is a bloody long time if you’re waiting for the return of a loved one.

42 - Searching

~ Xander ~

I can feel all of them watching me while I go inside the bathroom. It’s really hard to not close the door behind me. I yearn for a couple of moments by myself, just a couple of moments to, well, fucking break apart and cry and then put myself together again. Can’t have them with their eyes and ears glued to the small slit in the door. I couldn’t stand anymore sympathy, couldn’t stand anymore of their pity.

I don’t dare to really look into the mirror. Just fleeting glances that show fractures of myself. A pupil way too small, too round, like the end of a needle. A too pale cheek with smudged blood, tear tracks. Nearly blue lips, pressed thin with frustration. A ragged wound, ugly torn flesh, an angry bite.

I don’t get it. What did I do wrong? Why did Spike punish me like this? Is this revenge for the time I bit him? Or worse: is this him turning around on me, trying to kill me first chance he got and then hightailing when the cavalry rolled in? Everything else, just show and words to... what, get in my pants? Way too much effort for someone like me. Can’t be enough for anybody then. Just a cheap thrill to enjoy hurting and throw away?

You chose your partner after your father, don’t they say that in those girl mags? Find someone whose behaviour is familiar to you, whose actions and reactions you can anticipate? Did I do that? Go for a sick bastard that gets a kick out of torture and violence, rape even? Fuck. A soulless vampire, hungry for blood and violence, no other desire but destruction and death.

But... Spike’s different? Yeah, of course he is, just take a look into the mirror and tell yourself that again.

I did, didn’t I? Found myself a new sugar daddy, didn’t I?

But...

A weird tingling sensation on the bite at my neck. Like a small spider crawling over the fine hairs on my arm, not touching skin but producing a ticklish feeling, something...

I can hear the front door closing after someone entered, they’re all talking, chaos, there’s a new voice, male... Angel. Angelus. Angel.

I snarl and pull the door open and there he is, right in front of me. I raise my hands and claw at his chest. Easily, he deflects me, changes into his true face, hisses at me, pushes me, pushes me back inside the small space of this bathroom. Too small for me, my anger and Angel.

“What did you do to-“ Angel’s hand shuts me up. His thumb and forefinger on my cheekbones, squeezing, hurting until tears spill from my eyes but I don’t drop the death stare. I won't give in.

"You shut up now." Angel growls and stares right back at me, eyes blazing golden fire. "You want to get out of here? Want to get back to Spike, you're gonna shut up and follow my instructions. You can blink twice to tell me you agree."

Yeah, sure. Pfft. I try to bite at the hand that so effectively silences me, don't succeed and I resort to lick his palm as messily as I can.

"Wanna put that mouth to good use? I can give you something to fill it with, boy."

I shrink back so fast and so far I can. "Fuck you." I try to say, it's just mumble against Angel's palm, but he still gets the meaning and grins at me.

Hard knocking on the door. "Angel? What are you doing in there?" Buffy calls, her voice irritated and tinted with jealousy. "Are you okay?"

I wonder who she means. Angel? Me? There stomps an angry vampire in full true face into the bathroom where your long term slayerette tries to find back to himself after a serious vampire-bite-rape-attack... who'd you be more afraid for?

Angel holds my gaze while he slowly loosens his grip. I'm irritated by the way his hand slides down the side of my face, my neck until his strong fingers rest on my shoulder, his thumb softly pressing on the bite. Weirdly, it seems to sooth the ache there.

"I- erm, we're- Everything okay, Buffy." I say and I'm surprised again how rough, how exhausted my voice sounds.

"I don't think this is so good, right now. You should have a little bit time for yourself... at least to put some clothes on?"

"Yes, Xander, maybe you shouldn't be alone with a..." Giles trails off and I swear I can hear him cleaning his glasses, then he starts again: "I don't think the presence of Angel is doing you much good right now, seeing what you went through in the hands of one of his kind."

Angel flinches, just a tiny little movement around his eyes.

"And we can't tell yet, what kind of effects this experience has on you... you could be especially emphatic to thralls or have special longings... Since Spike and Angel belong to one bloodline, these effects could be heightened and-"

It's my turn to flinch, Spike's name makes me want to bawl like a baby. Angel looks very closely at me but is then too busy rolling his eyes at Giles recitations.

"Believe me, Giles" Angel says, annoyance thick in his tone. "I'd be the first one to know if there'd be anything different about Xander. I assure you, there's not."

And here comes the breakdown. There's nothing holding me up anymore, no courage, no shame, no will left. I'm just weak knees and a turning stomach when I slide down and sit heavily on my ass. Angel seems to be all around me, dunno, I'm losing my focus, strong arms everywhere supporting me.

"Come on, let's clean you up." Angel says and his voice is so gentle, comforting. I don't help him but I don't hinder him either when he settles me in the tube, half filled with water that's exactly the temperature I like it. His hands are careful with the washcloth cleaning me, soothing me.

I closed my eyes for just a second, but when I open them again, Angel lost his shirt and bows over me, one arm under my shoulder holding me up, the hand supporting my head. "Sshh." He says and combs wet fingers through my hair. "It's alright."

I smile sadly, somehow I'm not convinced. I lift my hand and touch Angel's skin, my fingers leave water trails and he shudders. The mighty Angel shudders. "Is this how you've been with him before...?" I whisper, afraid to break this unreal scenery, but the need to know, to confirm what I missed whenever I looked at Angel before.

He doesn't evade me, just looks away with a sad set of his face, but finds my eyes again a second later, smiling. He moves too fast for me to react. His lips close over the wound on my neck, a hint of elongated teeth and a lot of tongue, he sucks hard- The small tingling from before swells until it's a full chime. I arch up, helpless against this onslaught of emotion. I buck up, water splashing everywhere and moan, grasping to find a hold on Angel's skin with soppy fingers, nails digging deeply.

It lasts another two seconds, this feeling of connection, belonging and endless lust before Angel draws back, his pupils so dilated his eyes only show golden protuberances like the sun does eclipsing.

"That's how we were before." Angel says and it takes me a moment to catch up, to recapitulate the question to this answer.

"What changed?" Sounds like a stupid question, soul and all, but that's not what I'm asking and Angel knows that from the way he clenches his jaw.

"Nothing." He says finally, admitting that there's more vampire inside him than human. Soul or no soul.

"What did you do?" I ask hesitantly and he looks at me with a mixture of puzzlement and worry.
What did you do to make me feel like..." I trail of, the water drops still clinging to the walls are a million testimonies for my reaction.

Angel stares, melancholy gone from his eyes, a sober look on his face. "What do you mean, what did I do? You've been marked. It's a normal reaction to the bloodline - you... Fuck! You didn't know? He didn't tell you? You assumed he-"

Marked? I'm marked? I'm marked. Spike marked me. Whatever that means but he didn't abandon me. He didn't intend to kill me. Didn't try to get rid of me and he hasn't left me. He hasn't left me.

"Xander, talk to me." Angel nudges me. "Let's get you out of that bath first." He helps me up and towels me off while I stand there like an idiot grinning. "Xander?" Spike marked me. "Boy, tell me now." Angel's commanding voice that pairs itself with a tingle on my bite mark. My marking bite mark.

"You left and we did- you know. I passed out, when I woke up he wasn't there. Then there were Willow and Buffy, Giles and Riley... I had no choice other than to go with them. I didn't want to leave Spike back. I thought he left me. Oh god, I thought he left me! Buffy said I didn't feel different to her but Giles said I would if I was changed and-"

"Alright, stop." Angel presses his thumb against my lips and shuts off my ranting. "First off, Buffy can't feel that you're marked because she's marked herself by the same bloodline. I marked her, remember, when Faith poisoned me and her blood was the only cure?"

I nod and I feel my eyes go wide. Buffy is marked. A slayer marked and she doesn't know it. Giles doesn't know it, doesn't know that - marked, hm, markees? - don't recognize each other. I frown. Wouldn't it be kinda neat to know who's in your bloodline? This doesn't make sense. "Shouldn't we..."

"Yeah, you would, but the bond needs to be renewed time after time, to have positive effects."

"So she's inactive?" I'm thinking sleeper or Borgs inactive...

On cue, Buffy pounds on the door again: “I really think you should get out there now.” She says and sounds beyond angry.

 

43 - Leaving

~ Spike ~

At the foot of the stairs I find the Klashe’ea demon dead on the floor. Fucking slayer.

I go inside the club, touch the hidden switches and the ceiling lights flicker to life. The club - as stylish and posh as it looks in the dark - is laid bare and ugly under the stark artificial light.

"Raspla?" I call out, checking for more dead bodies on my way to the bar.  Fucking mess. I'm just glad the slayer got here after the busy hours. Well, maybe it would have been better if she had arrived here in the busy hours - they'd have ripped her apart and her sidekicks, too.

“Here.” Maerg answers and I have to go around the bar to find them. Maerg kneels in front of Raspla who’s bleeding from his mouth and a head wound. There’s a mess of broken glass and various fluids everywhere. Maerg presses napkins against Raspla’s forehead and lips, fussing.

“Happened?” I ask shortly, chock full of anger and guilt at having been responsible for this mess. I brought Xander here and I should have known something like this would happen. Fucking slayer. Always gets her way.

“I’m alright.” Raspla answers and tries to fend off Maerg’s three hands which is kinda hard if you have only two. “Leave it, dammit.” Raspla hisses at Maerg who looks helpless behind that unshakable mask. “Slayer got in – no idea where, how – she banged me around a bit, wanting to know where the boy was.”

“We didn’t tell her anything.” Maerg is quick to add. As if I wouldn’t know that. I found Maerg in the ruins of his former home after a slayer visited, killed all his family while he was away working. Decades ago, but it’s gotta shake him to see one of them again this close.

“Shouldn’t have come here.” I say more to myself, but they hear it.

“Not your fault, croprie? Spike, not your fault.” Maerg pauses, than asks warmly. “You think the human’s okay?”

Interesting. I look at Maerg and see something akin to real worry in his eyes.

“It was a rescue mission.” I say and look at him, huffing.

“Rescue? From who?” Raspla asks and both Maerg and I roll our eyes.

“Hurt your head bad, did you?” Maerg asks and smiles at Raspla before he gets some water to wet the napkins with, then starts to clean away the blood from his friend’s face. Three hands come in handy. I watch Maerg holding Raspla with one hand, the other hand busy with the napkin, the other holding the glass of water.

“I’ll go, find Treck.” I tell them and Maerg shrugs.

“Haven’t seen him.” He says with his furry eyebrows lowered thoughtfully.

I make my way back to the entry, there doesn’t seem to be more damage than the doors, here and upstairs, and the mess at the bar. I haven’t seen more bodies. I’m just glad that Raspla and Maerg are okay. Hard to find good staff these days. But where is Treckle? I go back to the offices, maybe he was back there when the slayer got here.

Doesn’t look like anybody got back here. No damage. Guess, she came straight up the stairs, Willow’s magic radar for Xander guiding them or something.

“Treck?” I call out, but receive no answer. I think I can hear a jittering heartbeat... I follow that.

I find him hurriedly packing things in a big suitcase. He looks green and it kinda bites with the purple tinged hair. He stinks of fear. “Treck?” I ask, careful not to frighten him further.

He doesn’t answer, just continues packing and it pisses me off. He’s a fucking baby of a demon, really.

“Treckle, what’s going on – what are you doing?”

Finally he stops, but doesn’t turn to me. At last he speaks: “Look – Spike – tonight, that was a close call and I’m not gonna risk my life for a – whatever. I’m done. I’ll go. It was nice and all but I’ve gotta leave.”

I really don’t know what to say to that. So we got into a bit of trouble – not the first time. The slayer has always been here, well not here here, but here in Sunnydale and it never seemed to be a problem. One sharp knock on the door and he’s running. Fucking coward.

“And who’ll lead the Twilight? Where are you going anyway?”

“I’ve got a friend in L. A. – has a club himself, Charity or something and it’s warded and everything. I figured being a bit off of the Hellmouth, out from under the slayer’s eyes is a big step in the right direction. You don’t- Look, I-“

“What?” I say angrily. My world breaks apart because everybody is selfish and egomanic.

Treckle comes over to me, touches my cheek and looks into my eyes. “I did this for you, Spike. I wanted us to have this.” He turns away when moisture gathers in his eyes. “You brought Xander here and I understand your reasons. He’s just like me, a stray to protect from danger. But he’s the Slayer’s.”

I growl at him. “He’s mine!”

“Well, the Slayer has a diffent opinion.” He says – bitchy, just like her.

“I’ll get him back!”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly the point. You get him back and we’re all in danger. What are you thinking - she’ll just stop trying to get him back? She’ll burn this club down. And obviously, since she does know about it now – she’ll never leave us alone. We’re a demon bar and she’s the Slayer. It’s her job to kill all of us – you included. I can’t stay. I don’t want to stay. There’s nothing or there will be nothing in a short while to stay for.”

“Fine.” I bite out. “You’ve got your knickers in a twist over her, I understand.” Fucking selfish bastard. “Maybe it’s better you go anyway.”

That makes him turn around, eyes wide and hurt. “What...”

“What… you’re expecting me to do some begging and pleading?”

“I...” He chokes up and it makes me even angrier. I don’t get why people always pull out the whole emotional paintbox and leech onto you to draw a fucking picture. I’m sick of tiptoeing around everybody, careful not to hurt their feelings. First the slayerettes, then Xander, Angel, now Treckle. Why don’t they get that I might need--- right, I don’t need them. I do fine without all that. All I care about is that Xander get’s back to me and we can have our little slice of life.

But Treck is right. The Slayer’s not going to leave us alone ever. Not as long as there’s a bit of (un-)life in Xander. She’ll hunt us down and put the boy to rest at peace as she thinks he deserves. Doesn’t get her head wrapped around the happiness-in-slavery-concept, the stupid bint. Well, not slavery, more like the real promise of until death does us part...

How can we make it work? How can I have Xander without people interfering every five minutes to save him. Bleeding hell. Why has it never once crossed my mind to just kill them all? Well, have them all killed? Get the chip out and kill them? Call some favours in, pay some money and have the whole of Sunnydale nuked into the past of existence. Fuck. Xander wouldn’t like seeing everything he fought for all his life going down, especially not when he’s the reason for the destruction. Fuck. I get a headache.

“Just get out, Treck.” I say, suddenly tired of this loop. “You’re right, there’s nothing left here for you.” He gasps in a shuddering breath – the last glimmer of hope dying – and shuts his eyes, tears escaping from under the lids. He nods and continues packing his stuff.

“I made some calls, the wards will be set up again today and the material damage will be repaired tonight.” Treckle tells me and I nod at him even though he doesn’t look up.

“Thank you, Treckle.” I say and don’t wait around to see him leave. I finish the round through the club. Apart from the two doors, the bar and the dead demons, everything seems in working order and I retreat back upstairs. I want to get pissed, so pissed I don’t have to think of anything – Xander – anymore, but I don’t wanna risk being out of it. Who know’s, Slayer might come around again, Angel might need a hand...

The pillow feels cool under my cheek and it smells faintly of Xander. Xander. I sigh and close my eyes. Maybe we can run away? I think he’d like to see the world. I could take him with me, we could go wherever we want, stay where we like and move on when we feel like it. He could call his friends once in a while, or write postcards. Assure them that he’s fine. Wonder what he’s doing right now. If Angel gets through to him? I could call Angel. Maybe later. Maybe later, he’ll already be back with Xander. And a little bit of sleep won’t hurt anybody.

Xander. I wish Xander was here. Xander.

44 - Despair

 

~ Xander ~

„Just give us a sec’.“ I yell, but Angel has already opened the door and taken some steps out into the living room. He drags me with him, but keeps in front of me as if to shield my body from their eyes. Okay, I get it, I’ve got to shut up and let him handle the situation. He knows I’m not good with that. 

 „Where’s your shirt?“ Buffy asks and there’s a terrible hitch in her voice. Like an afterthought she adds: „Is Xander okay?“ 

 Angel nods at her. „He will be. Just needs some rest and he’ll be back on his feet in no time.“ 

 „Can I talk to you, Angel, privately?“ Giles intervenes and I drop my head, my cheeks flaming. I can guess what he has to talk about with Angel. 

 „I don’t think there is anything here anyone should talk about without Xander, especially if it concerns his person, don’t you think, Giles?“ Angel shoots back and I’ve got to suppress a smirk. 

 „Well, maybe you’re right.“ Giles says and takes off his glasses. I really don’t like the tone of voice he chooses. „Do you have any idea why Xander would willingly put himself in a slave-like relationship with Spike – who obviously was able to hurt him, for which we still have no idea how - or should we start to prepare dealing with rape issues?“ 

 Oh shit. How am I supposed to answer that without them locking me up or even worse? I’m not a slave, I’m supposed to become his partner, I’m marked and I love him. They don’t want to hear, don’t want to know and couldn’t possibly understand it. Maybe Buffy would, but she only makes exceptions from her black and white rules for her own good. Because she’s the Slayer and she knows best. Giles didn’t support the relationship between Buffy and Angel either, even before the whole thing went to hell and back. Same bad experience for Willow concerning cross-racial-relationships; see Oz. 

 “I want to go home. Really. Got to sleep. Angel would you take me home?” I don’t dare to look at any of them. I really want to go home, home to Spike, not to the house they know as my home. 

The stretched silence irritates me. 

 I look up and there’s Willow right in front of me and she touches my wrist – Angel growls inaudible for the others, but my mark tingles with it – before she speaks: “Xander, when we searched for you, we, we went to your parents’ house and your mom told us that you left with a blond man and then your dad stood suddenly behind her and he had heard what your mom said and we called the police, we had to. Your dad, he was- violent and – Xander, I didn’t know he was like that!” She whines. “He totally lost it and we got your mom out, but she didn’t want us to help and we-; when the police came, they didn’t even get out of the car! They just asked if we’d called and what the matter was and they just nodded and said it was quite frequently loud in the house and nothing out of the ordinary and they drove away.” She takes in a couple of breaths to calm herself down or maybe just for more air to continue with the babble: “Your father came outside again when they were gone and he told us... he said if he ever sees you again he’ll kill you.” 

 “Oh no threats of endless torture before killing me this time?” I quip and roll my eyes. 

 “Xander!” And Willow actually looks shocked. 

 “Look, it’s nothing new. He’s like that and I really don’t wanna talk about it – at all.” I say and step back from her. I can see hurt in Willow’s eyes, regret and the understanding that I haven’t been trusting her with everything that goes on in my life. How could I even find the time to tell her when she was always so busy with her own problems? 

 Giles fidgets and clears his throat before speaking. “You should have confided in me and I could have found a way to... to help you.” He offers, but his voice doesn’t carry the promise of a happy ending. What could he have done for me? Really, even if he tried. It wouldn’t have changed anything if I’d told Willow or Giles. And I really don’t want to deal with their guilt or pity now. Why can’t they just leave me alone? 

 The only one who acted immediately the moment he found out what was going on was Spike. He cared for me and helped me to get out of there. He offered me the whole world and I didn’t have to give more than myself in exchange. No, that sounds wrong. All he has asked of me is to be myself and make use of my chances. That’s more than anybody offered me, ever. 

 “It doesn’t matter. It’s over. I’m done with that.” I say flatly. 

“You can stay here. We’ll find a way to get you settled and...” Giles says, but is interrupted by Buffy. 

 “He can come with me. I don’t think Mom will object. We’ve got that spare room and...” She trails off under Riley’s gaze. Huh, got to be kidding. He can’t be jealous of me staying over at the Buffster’s house... 

“We’ve got a guest room and my parents aren’t there anyway. We could take turns, a week with each of us and...” Willow babbles until Xander chuckles darkly. 

 “I’m not some kind of pet whose owner went on holiday.” I say and it brings Giles’ focus sharply down to the bite mark on my neck. I glare at him and hold his gaze while I repeat it: “I am not a pet.” Not denying that I belong to someone. 

Angel’s finger touches my wrist in warning and I try to unclench my fists, to stay calm. Not the time for declarations of undying love for my undead Master. Pfft. 

 “Xander comes with me.” Angel says gravely and I nod curtly. That’s the way it’s going to be. I go with Angel. He brings me to Spike. I’ll be with Spike. We’ll take it from there. 

 “No.” “I don’t think that is wise.” “Why would he want to go with you?” They say at the same time and I just wish for this to be over soon. I’m tired and still weak and kinda hungry. Yeah, hungry in that way. Spike. I need Spike, I’ll need Spike’s blood soon. Fuck. I need to get this under control. If they find out about that, the addiction, they won’t let me leave this house alive.

 Through the drawn curtains a few rays of sun still find their way inside. It’s not even 10 am. How am I supposed to get through the day. A sound, something desperate, whining, escapes me and Angel grabs my wrist harshly. “Xander?” 

 “I don’t feel so good.” I mumble and try to make Angel understand by sheer looking at him. 

 Giles voice drifts through the haze: “You should lie down. Let’s get you upstairs. I’ll stay with you.” 

 “No, no.” I grate out, but Angel shushes me. 

“I’ll stay with him.” He says and puts his strong arm across my back, his hand under my armpit to support me. The trembling starts in my fingers and crawls quickly into my whole body - seconds later my knees buckle. I can't believe that Angel just scooted me up like a bride to be carried over-the-threshold. I'm too weak to protest, so I just give in and close my eyes. I turn my face against his shoulder, feel the cool skin of his neck against my forehead. I inhale deeply and let myself get lost in the sensation of different smells combined. He smells a lot like Spike does, just earthier, deeper in a way that makes me desperate to understand. I can feel his muscles move under the strain of carrying me around.

 The others are talking again, I only hear bits and pieces that I can’t make sense of. Buffy’s not amused. I giggle lightly; to disguise it I turn my face deeper into Angel. His skin is so soft against my lips, cool silk just like Spike’s. I wonder if it runs in the family or is it just a general vampire trait?

 We’re ascending stairs. I feel like I’m cocooned safely away from the world. Everything is round and flexible, moving and cool. I’m looked after, cared for. Angel takes care of us, takes care of Spike and me, of us both.

 I smile against his neck and dart my tongue out. He tastes as good as Spike, just slightly different and I suckle on his skin, calming myself with the weirdly familiar sensation. I remember my lessons, I’m a good boy. No biting until I’m allowed. Don’t want them to be mad at me.

There is a loud bang – oh, Angel closed the door with his foot. Heeeeee. We’re alone again now and I feel my back hit the bed. I cling to Angel. Don’t let go. Don’t leave me.

 “Xander, boy.” Angel murmurs while trying to pry my fingers loose from behind his neck. I wriggle and lift my legs, get them around his hips to draw him down. Don’t leave me. “Xander, come on. Take a nap, boy. Let go of me. You gonna regret that later otherwise.”

 “Nuhu. Don’t go. Please.” I hear myself through cotton and try to get even closer to Angel. Heeee, the room spins. Oh, I was spun. Angel sighs behind me, I can feel his breath on my neck. And his body against mine. I’m the baby spoon and Angel – shouldn’t Spike be there? Angel’s good though, feels good. Familiar.

 There’s a blanket around us suddenly. And I look up. Huh – what’s Giles doing here? I don’t care, there are Angel’s arms around me, protecting me. I hear their voices like water splashing in the background:

 “The last time Xander and you saw each other, neither of you were particular keen on each other. However, you are sure that he’s not affected by a claim or thrall?” The British voice drips with sarcasm, I can feel the heavy drops hit the floor one by one.

 “I’m sure, Giles. For the rest... it’ll wear off. It’s just exhaustion.”

 “If it’s not just exhaustion, just in case, I know a place for cases like him in England. Unfortunately, it’s run by the watcher’s council, but they’re doing good work...”

 “I don’t think the girls’ are gonna like to hear that.”

 “Oh, I’m sure they’ll see reason should this ‘exhaustion’ not wear off, don’t you think?”

 Angel snarls and I whimper. I haven’t done anything wrong. I press back against him and Angel reacts, pulls me in further. The door clicks shut before he speaks. “Ssh, boy, we’ll get you back to Spike soon. Sleep now, sleep. I need you back on your feet.” I nod and search for something more to hold onto. I find Angel’s hand and pull it to me, wrap my mouth around his thumb like a baby. Angel groans.

 Sleep comes like a blackout.

45 - Fear

~ Spike ~


Smoke.

I can smell smoke.

My eyes fly open. I listen to the building.

Fuck.

I can hear rustling and swooshing, hissing and cracking.

Fire.

There's a fire downstairs.

I'm out of the bed and at the door in two seconds. I rip it open, the heat of the door grip registers seconds later, when I'm already busy ducking away from a furious blaze of fire. I try to shut the door with a kick but it's already consumed by fire, burning hot orange flames are shooting in the room, up the walls and onto the ceiling. I drop down to my knees.

Fuck. Fuck. Bloody fuckidifuck.

Fire in front of me, blocking the way down into the club and up onto the roof.

The big window behind me, the long curtains the only thing shielding me from the deathly glare of the sun.

Fuck.

What am I going to do?

Fuck.

The fire roars, grabs hungrily for the wooden panels and melts the plastic frame of the TV. The smoke mixes with acid fumes and I'm so glad I don't have to breathe right now.

Something explodes, little bits of gleaming technology flying everywhere. I raise my arm to shield my face, feel a thousand tiny hot pokers burn first through my shirt then into my skin. Hurts. Fuck. I flinch back, closer to the window.

Fuck.

I have to get out of here but there's no way out. Fuck. Bloody fuck.

I run back into the bedroom, grab my duster, shrug into it. Not going anywhere without it, no way.

Shit. How do I get out of here?

Back in the main room the heat is unbearable. My skin feels stretched too tight from the lack of humidity.

Calm down, calm the fuck down, I tell myself and try to control the panic. I need to get out. Need to get out. Get out now. NOW.

I stare at the curtain for two seconds. It's such a bad plan. I start running full speed before I can think about it any more. Please, whoever looks out for me, the ptb or whatever, give me a chance. I need to see Xander again. I don't want to die the final death in a fucking house fire after everything!

I jump and turn, hit the curtain, then the window with my back and it breaks from the impact. The awful sound of shattering, splintering glass and wood. Painpainpain. Still, through it all I manage to grab the flapping edges of the curtain, curl myself deeper into it and brace for hitting the ground. I have no idea, how far I've fallen already and - oompf - there it is, sooner than expected.


I snap back into conciousness when I’m grabbed and handled roughly. Blackblackblack - everything's black. Can't see a thing. Fuck. Oh - curtain! The window jump with the curtain as a sunscreen - I remember.

Feeling crawls back into my limbs. There's thick liquid squishy against the side of my face. Blood. Must have cracked my head open. My back feels carved open. I hurt all over. And who the hell is grabbing at me?

I feel too hot, smoking. The curtain will hold off the deathly sunlight only for so long. I hold onto it as hard as I can. Smoke seems to be everywhere. I don’t know if it comes from the building or if it is from my body already. And who the hell is dragging me around? And where to? It’s not as if I could have a look, won’t risk the sunlight. At least the person doesn’t try to free me from the curtain.

I can still hear the roaring of the fire that’s consuming the Twilight. Things are crashing down and breaking, some small explosions, probably the alcohol. Fuck, my fall-back plan is literally going up in flames. Guess there’s no option of staying in Sunnydale anymore. I don’t have any other place that is as secret and as secure as the Twilight was and well, that didn’t end well. Xander’s got to come with me. No choice. Maybe my Sire would take us in for a while, for a couple of weeks until we’re ready to go... elsewhere.

I can feel it the moment I’m dragged out of direct sunlight. The temperature drops, it’s even darker than before and the smoke lessens. Time to fucking get out of the curtain and see who has been my saviour. Raksha maybe? I hope they got out in time. Or Treckle? Thought he was out and away hours ago. I start struggling, trying to find the beginning or the end of the curtain. Got myself really wrapped up in this monster of black velvet.

Fuck.

Or maybe that's just someone hindering me to get untangled. I growl. The fuck? Is that rope? God - it is! I'm being tied up like a damn Christmas parcel. I start to fight for real. I have to find out who's doing this and I've got to rip their head off. I kick out and hit someone - pain explodes in my head, but I can still make out the unmistakable voice of the Slayer.

"Keep still or I’ll kick you back so hard you land directly where the sun is shining!"

I'm dead. Final-death-dead. God.

"Get up." Hesitantly I get to my feet. What choice do I have? I won't give up. I never give up, but right now, blind and bound and seconds away from direct sunlight, I don't have any options left.

"Look, Slayer-"

"You shut up. You don't say a word. You don't make a sound. You don't ask any questions. You follow my instructions and don't try anything stupid or I’ll stake you. Do you understand?" She commands, voice hard and unwavering.

"Yes." I can feel her continuing to tie the curtain around me with the rope. It hurts, cuts hard through the thick velvet, my duster and into my body. My back feels bruised, torn even in a few parts. I think I can feel shards of glass inside my skin. At least there is no new blood running down the side of my face.

"Hands." Buffy says from behind me and I push my arms towards her. Rope around my wrist - just great. Oh, hey! Damn, she tied my wrists together, wrapped the rope around my thighs. Nice.

"Come on." She says and tugs on the rope, makes me move forward, stumble really. I hate to be this incapacitated. Hate to be unable to see, to move, to even struggle. I wonder where we're going. What is she going to do with me?

"If Giles didn't say your death might be harmful to Xander, you’d be dead already. I'd have staked you the moment you were in my reach. Consider yourself lucky for a few moments more on this earth. I promise you're dust before the sun comes up again tomorrow."

Giles. Will she bring me to Giles' flat? Will Xander be there? Is Angel there? Is Angel keeping his promise? Is he there with Xander, looking out for him? Fuck - how could I be so stupid to think Buffy'd leave me, leave the club alone when she knew it was there? I should have hidden somewhere, maybe gone to L. A. Trusted my Sire to bring Xander back like he promised. Now I'm captured, made everything worse. I hope Xander is not there - he'll lose it the moment I'm close. His last feeding was too long ago, he'll be hungry. Angel can't feed him - could, but wouldn't. No, would he?

"You'll die by my hand, Spike. You're a monster. What you did to Xander - I'll drive the stake into your heart with a smile, Spike. You hurt him, Spike, you hurt him so bad. He wasn't even able to stand alone after... what you did to him. Why him? Why did you go after the weakest one of us? How could you do that? Because you're a monster, a soulless bastard with not a single good emotion inside you. You're already gone, Spike - it's only a matter of time."

For the rest of the way she is silent. Guilt eats at me - Xander couldn't even stand? He passed out, a claiming is hard on the human, but not that hard. I took too much blood, weakened him too much by the bloodloss and gave him not enough. Is he better now? I desperately want to ask Buffy if Xander is better now, if he needs me, if he's okay - but I can't risk her wrath.

I'm very sure we're nearly there. Sounds and smells are familiar, but it's not Giles' flat she's bringing me, too. It's her own house. Please, let Xander be there. I need to know that he's okay.

The moment we're inside the house disappointment squeezes me harder than any rope ever could. Xander's not here. Nobody is here. The house is empty except for Buffy and me.

"Basement." She says and shoves me forward, cuffs me with her fist hard in the back. I bite the insides of my cheeks to not cry out. The basement door opens and without any warning she gives me a push. I don't find the first step, tread only into air and tumble down the stairs. I lie helpless, whimpering despite myself at the bottom of the stairs when she kicks me hard in my side. Kidney hit.

"Get up." She yells and it echoes inside my head. Must have hit it, again. I nearly make it to one knee when she grabs me and drags me through half the basement to a wall. The sound of chains and the feel of cold metal against the skin of my forearms. She doesn't untie me, just clicks the chains closed a bit higher where they bite deeply into my flesh.

In her eyes I don't deserve better. In her eyes I'm not worth it to be handled like a living being.

"Don't dare to move or try anything. You're dust the moment you even think about it!" She says and goes up the stairs with loud, hard steps. She leaves and I'm alone. The basement door is locked and I can hear her steps. She's pacing above me, restless.

What are they going to do? Why did she bring me here? Where is Xander?

I'm bleeding out of several wounds and I'm exhausted. I'm stuck in a half kneeling, half lying position. I can't see, can't smell a thing. I hurt all over and I can't think of any way to get out of this alive.

46 - Choices

~ Xander ~

I wake up with my face buried against Angel's chest, his arms wrapped around me, our legs entwined.

It feels good. Better even than yesterday. I feel like I belong.

I don't want to move, don't want to think, don't want to do anything. I just want to lie here like this and enjoy the feeling. I haven't felt this protected since... Spike. His name sets off a deep yearning inside me. Suddenly I feel ripped open and like I can't breathe. Distressed I try to free myself from Angel's arm but his embrace only gets stronger, holds me tighter against him.

"Breathe, boy. Breathe." Angel says and puts his leg up over my hip, pulls me flush against him. I can't decide if it's an uncomfortable or a safe feeling to be in his arms against my will. "You've got to calm down. It's only another hour until sundown and we'll be out of here. Only one hour of holding yourself together and you'll be back with Spike. Alright?"

I want to nod but can't. I breathe hard, long, uneven pulls of air to calm down my hammering heart. Angel strokes over my back and I concentrate on the motion of his fingers.

"I need Spike now." I say and sound like a stupid kid, but I have my reasons. Spike is not purely an emotional addiction anymore - I need him physically. I need his blood.

„As soon as the sun sets, we’re out of here and on our way to Spike. I’ll take you both with me to L. A.“ Angel says and I feel his breath puff against my forehead. Slowly I raise my eyes up to his. „We’ll see from there.“

Angel has brown eyes, gold dances in them like fire and it’s fascinating to look into them, to let myself be swallowed by them. I bite my lower lip when a tingling starts in my belly. Something wicked just woke up inside of me and crawls up to the surface. I flick my tongue out, wet my lower lip, watch Angel watching me. He swallows hard and parts his lips, draws in a breath.

„Xander.“ He warns.

Daringly I push my hips forward, just a tiny swing, but it has its effect. Angel’s eyes shatter into gold completely and he groans, no, growls, really.

„You don’t know what you’re asking for, boy.“ He says and I see his teeth are elongated. I remember how it felt to have Spike’s canines buried inside of me, remember the pain it brought at first that grew to unbearable pleasure. I want that again. That feeling of totally losing myself to someone else, to be completed and nonexistent at the same time. Is it wrong to want that from Angel? It doesn’t feel wrong. I just want.

„I’m hungry.“ I beg - half excuse and half justification for my behaviour.

„No, you’re not.“

„But I want-“

„What you want is your mate, your Master.“ Angel says and flips us. My legs fall open and Angel settles in between them. I moan when our cocks, equally hard, touch through layers of clothes. Angel grabs onto my hair and pulls my head back, he bares my throat and I buck up at him the moment he presses his mouth against my skin.

„Please-“ I whimper.

„It’s just the blood calling out to you.“ Angel explains with a rough voice, his tongue feels like wet velvet when he licks across the pulse point. „It’s just instinct – hunger and lust – you haven’t had enough to be atuned to more than the bloodline. You’re not able yet to feel the differences between Spike and me.“ I try to listen, really I try, but Angel keeps working his hips and it makes me dizzy with need for more. „Can you imagine what it’d do to you if I got involved now, what’d happen if I’d taste you, drink you and feed you now?“ He asks and then sucks my skin into his mouth hard, holds it between his teeth barely on the edge of gentleness.

I don’t dare breathe.

I have no answer for him. I have no idea what I’m doing at all. I’m the plaything of two vampires and I haven’t felt so good in all my life. They take away the responsibility, the pain and the emptiness inside of me. They hold me, they care for me and nurse me with everything they have to offer.

It’s not my choice. It was never my choice.

It doesn’t even feel like a choice - just feels right.

„Angel.“ I whisper and something seems to break inside of me. „Angel.“ I touch his face and he opens his mouth, lets my skin slowly slide from between his teeth with a small sound of mourning. Eventually, he looks at me.

„It’s alright.“ I tell him and feel sure and secure, sincere and solid. „Everything’s going to work out.“ I tell him and he looks at me, stunned. Gently, I pull his face down to mine and don’t hesitate anymore to kiss him. Just a brush of lips to lips, warm and reassuring.

„You don’t understand… I can’t help you. Spike, he’d think of it as betrayal and I don’t want to… to lose him again.“ Whoa, looks like it took Big-dark-and-broody a lot to admit that. The moment we had – anyway – is gone. Angel moves until he sits on the edge of the bed, broad back to me, ellbows on his knees. He stares at the carpet.

„Angel, you don’t understand. I’m sorry, okay, I’m not… not in control sometimes. When the Urge gets me I forget about Sp- the most important things and do something stupid. You wouldn’t- I mean you pulled back, you wouldn’t have… taken advantage of me.“ God, I’m back to being the damsel in distress. I roll my eyes. Angel snorts and I’d laugh if the situation wasn’t so fucking ridiculous. I’m lying in Giles‘ bed half-hard with a nearly naked souled vampire beside me who regrets that he can’t feed me because he feels bad interfering with his soulless childe’s bond. Maybe I should also add that a day ago I hated his guts and wouldn’t have minded seeing him take a sun bath. It’s a mad world.

„About the Urge.“ Angel starts and he chooses his words carefully. „It’s more than an addiction. You’re claimed. Spike claimed you as his Pet. He’s giving you some kind of choice with that.“

„What? I thought this was an until-death-do-us-part thing?“ I stammer, unenthusiastic about this revelation.

„You’re strong, you can live through a separation.“

Unbelievingly I shake my head vehemently. „You’re not trying this again!“

„What?“ Angel gets on his feet, turns around and he looks scared?

„You’re trying to make me give up Spike.“

„No.“

„You suck so much. At first you get all soul-y over ‚betrayal’ and now you try to talk me out of it again!“

„No, I’m not. I just want you to know there is a choice!“

„But-“

„NO – you listen to me. Even Spike wanted you to have a choice or he’d have claimed you as a Mate right off. Don’t you get it? Get this? This isn’t some romantic Anne Rice novel-“

„Oh really? I didn’t realize that the moment I woke up alone with my neck and ass torn open, puking blood everywhere!“

„Xand-“

„Shut up and listen to me just once. I know what I want: I want Spike. I want my life with Spike and we‘ll see how far that’ll go AND there might even be a place for you if you want it and get the fuck over yourself.“

„But-“

„No, just no. I get it, okay. You and Spike, both of you got turned without knowing what would happen and what it makes you. In retrospect it didn’t work out well for either of you. You both were bloodthirsty monsters who got off on violence and destruction, BUT you both changed – your soul and his chip – you both fight on the other side now. And it has nothing to do with all those reasons the watchers’ diaries are filled with. It’s not because of love or the soul, the chip or even to make up for the sins.“

Questioningly Angel looks at me while I pause to gulp in some air to continue.

It’s because you’re fucking lonely and don’t have a purpose as a baddy. It’s boring to be the bad guy after a while because there is no real enemy. A Slayer? You could shoot her from 500 yrds away with modern weapons. There’s no real challenge, no real risk for someone who has been on this planet as long as you have. But to fight against an almighty foe alone – that really makes life, or in your cases unlife, special and exciting. You both need a purpose, something to fill eternity with and you both found it fighting the good fight. I’m not giving in to the dark side because I want to be with Spike or you – I’m fighting the same fight and I only make you stronger because I’m one of the good guys, too.“

I guess you can call that a revelation. At least Angel finally seems to understand my motivation. Maybe he even understands his own reasons for his eternal fight better now.

Slowly, Angel nods and seeks out my gaze. „I just wanted you to have a chance for the white picket fence.“ He says resigned and sighs. „Whatever I, or we do, we won’t have that ever. It’s fighting and worrying and fighting forever and you get tired of it sometimes.“

I smile and go over to him. Standing right before him, in his personal space so I can practically feel his body close to mine, I say. „For me a white picket fence was never more than something to break a wooden weapon from and save others or my own life.“

I close the distance between us and let myself be embraced.

I don’t even try to pull back when the door opens and Giles comes in. I swallow the comment about polite English people and their knocking habits because he looks grim enough already.

„We’re out of here with the sundown.“ Angel says without preamble and I nod, cheek against his unclad shoulder.

„Well, there‘s something we want to do to make sure Xander is and will be alright before you leave. Therefore, we all have to go over to the Summer’s house. I’m sure you’ll have time for this before you leave.“ Giles tries to sound friendly, but the command is loud and clear. Whatever he throws at us, we’ll manage. I just hope Spike will be patient enough to wait for us. I don’t want him in danger because of some heroic rescue attempt.

 

47 - Assumptions

~ Spike ~

I must’ve fallen asleep. Maybe I was unconscious for a bit. Can’t tell. Everything’s fuzzy. Even my tongue. Should’ve washed those curtains more often.

The sun is nearly down, my inner clock tells me. Fuck, I can just imagine Xander and my Sire standing in front of the burned out ruins of the club. At least Sire will know I’m not dead. The problem is how will they find me? I don’t think they’ll guess I was kidnapped and chained down in the basement of the Slayer’s house.

They could think I ran off. Ran off to L. A. maybe to meet them there. They’d leave Sunnydale without me and when they realize it’s too late - I’m already ashes.

Slayer is pacing above me. The staccato sound of her high heels drums through the house like an erratic heartbeat. She is waiting, nervously waiting for something. For what? Do they all want to have a go at me? Why hasn’t she killed me already?

Maybe Giles wants to whip out his Dr. Mengele kit and sate his scientific interest in me?

Or maybe the Slayer just needs an audience to finish me off. Attestors for the Watchers' diaries.

Sire will care for Xander, will watch out for him and help him deal with the Urge. He'll make it without me, but I want to be there. I don't fucking want the Slayer and my Sire taking away from me what is mine!

"You won't win, you bitch!" I yell as loud as I can against the wall of velvet. I have to figure out a way out of this mess. William would give up, Spike never does.

 

~ Xander ~

"What do you think they'll do?" I ask and don't pull back from Angel. Not yet. I enjoy the comfort I can draw from him.

"I don't know. Some magic maybe. Nothing that will hurt you, I guess." Angel answers and I can feel his lips moving against my temple. I'm so hungry - and horny. Slowly I sit up and shiver like a heroine addict going cold turkey.

"'Kay. Let's do this." I look around for a shirt. It totally sucks that I have to wear Giles' clothes. Do I have shoes? Was I wearing shoes yesterday when they brought me here? Fuck. I feel helpless and I struggle with the shirt from yesterday. Spike bought me clothes. Real clothes. No hand-me-downs or good-will stuff from the last circus, but clothes that fit and made me feel... special, good. I miss Spike.

"Are you sure you’re up to it?" Angel asks.

"What other choice do I have?"

"We could always hightail out of here, meet up in L. A. Spike's not stupid, he'll get it and follow a couple of days later." A couple of days? I can't go another two days without him. Mission impossible.

"No way." I say because I just can't. I don't wanna talk to them anymore. I just want to get out and get back to Spike. I'm not sure anymore if all this jumping through their hoops is worth it. We can't stay friends since I don't think they'd appreciate me sharing the recent vamp-tastic sex-secrets, Xander-approved.

They care for me, so they say, in their ways but they don't care at all about what I want. They’ve got it all wrong. But I just can't, no, I won't be what they want me to be. I want to run off, but they won't ever leave me, leave us alone if they're not halfway satisfied as to my well-being first. What a joke.

I watch as Angel goes over to the window, opens it and checks the distance to the ground. "We can go out through here. I'll go first, you jump right behind me. I'll catch you." Angel grins.

"Hey, wait. I- look, let's see what they want to do first. We can still run off if it's too much." No, we can't. A slayer, a powerful witch, a capable Magician and a half-Hulk. If they dig in their claws it’ll be nearly impossible to get out again without being torn apart. I just have to count on the Xander-bonus and the Angel-first-undying-love-get-out-of-jail-card.

"Let's just get this over with fast." I pause to look directly at Angel who is still standing at the window, one hand on the sill. His face stuck somewhere between a pout and frustration. "Don't leave me alone, 'kay." I whisper and he nods a promise at me with brown, worried eyes.

I don't know why it's so easy to be weak in front of Spike, or especially Angel. Is it the blood, the Urge, the way Spike's mark on my neck feels like a connection to something bigger? I feel safer with these two vampires than I ever have before in my life. It's like they know what I'm going through. And I know that that marking bite means they'll never turn against me.

I open the door slowly, trying to not make noise. There are shoes, my old trainers, in front of the door, neat. And hey, Willow, there on the top stair, waiting for me, already watching me again.

"There you are! Finally." She says too brightly and stands up.

I've barely got enough time to put on my trainers before she links her arm through mine and guides me down the stairs. I can feel Angel right behind me without even looking. The others are waiting for me, for us. They seem to have been waiting for a while since they jump to their feet and Giles opens the front door. I take a deep breath.

"Where are we going?" I ask with an edge of panic because I was sure they'd try their little experiment here.

"Oh, Buffy is waiting at her house. There’s some stuff we need. You'll see." Willow says it as if she's announcing a trip to Disneyland. She smiles, it's so fake.

The moment we're outside, Giles and Riley shove between me and Angel. It makes my skin crawl to have them breathing down my neck and I can't stop myself from looking around for Angel. He finds my eyes with his own and tells me without words to keep calm. It should be easy for him to overpower both Riley and Giles if he needs to, right?

I can't believe I'm thinking like this about my friends. I can't help but feel like a prisoner on his way to execution while Willow babbles nonsense to fill the awkward silence.

I feel ridiculous, small and helpless, being fucking guided through the streets at night in too big, borrowed clothes. I need to be calm and just get this over with – it's less than an hour until I can see Spike again. I'll get through this and then we're up and out of here.

~ Spike ~

Finally, finally the sun is down. That boosts my getting-out-alive-chances nearer the twenty percent mark – well, if I can get out of these chains at all. And past the Slayer.

I hate to wait. Especially if I don't know what I’m waiting for or rather what to expect when the waiting is over. Fucking plans and patience – bugger that.

The tingling starts on the back of my neck. My Sire is close by. Oh thank you.

'S about time he got here, he'll get me out of here. He'll sweet talk Buffy and get me out--- wait.

He should be with Xander.

Why is he here and not with Xander?

Or else if Xander is with him – what are they doing here? Is Buffy waiting for them? Is everybody gathering here? To do what? Exorcise Xander?

I have a really bad feeling about this.

I wish I could have explained everything to my boy first. I left him. Left him like his Daddy did – bleeding and hurt, violated.

Did Angel get through to him? Did he explain what I haven’t had the chance to?

Oh bugger – the Urge. If Xander's with them – the moment he comes through that door he'll feel me. He'll lose it completely – fuck the audience and all.

It's over twelve hours since I fed him last. He must be hungry, he must be so hungry.

My beautiful boy, marked as mine, hungry, lost.

Bloody fucking hell.

All the things I promised him he’d never be again.

And I'm sitting here chained and bound, blindfolded and gagged – not to mention chipped.

I'm the stupidest and most pathetic Master vampire in all of history.

Not any help at all.

There is no chance the Slayer will even listen to an attempt at an explanation when Xander throws himself at my feet and begs for my blood.

We're all going to die in this fucking basement.

Everything started in a basement – well, everything ends in a basement.

Or maybe, like that first time, we'll all be surprised by what my chosen Mate is able to get through in order to get what he needs.

 

48 - Reunion

~ Xander ~

We're close to Buffy's house when Angel suddenly appears in front of me. I manage to stop just in time. Damn, he can move fast if he wants to! Willow squeaks in surprise beside me and digs her nails in my arm.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Angel just keeps staring at me. What's this supposed to be? Vulcan Mind Meld?

"Is there a problem?" Giles has come to my left side and Riley hovers so close to my back that I can actually feel his breath on my neck – not just literally.

"I'm not gonna bolt!" I say, annoyed, and shove at Willow. Something’s up and Angel feels it, but I don't. I stretch my senses out as much as I can – human and heightened, but I don't feel anything out of the ordinary. "Angel?"

There is a glimmer of gold in his eyes, gone so fast I'm sure I've imagined it. Was that a warning – has this to do with a vampire related thing? Is it about Spike? Is he here?
I force myself to stay calm, to not ask, to not get into another panic attack. Only another hour to get through and then we are free to go.

Buffy opens the door. She must have been waiting for us already.

The moment my foot comes down on the doorstep my whole body feels electrocuted. It's like I’ve been hit by lightning. White everywhere and the Urge burns inside me until it all spirals into one pure impulse: SPIKE.

There is no holding back. There isn't even a conscious thought. I run before I'm aware of it.

Everything goes chaotic behind me, voices calling my name and noises like fighting.
I don't care. I need to get to him, I need to get to Spike.

 

~ Spike ~

Xander, Xander, Xander is here.

His presence suddenly rips through me like thunder on a silent night and it cracks up my senses, pumps me up with adrenaline. He's coming, closer by the second, I can already hear his footsteps. The door bangs open and seconds later he is here. He's really here, hands on me over all the layers and he tears on them, tears them off me with the desperation of a freshly risen Childe with their first live prey.

"Shh. Shh. I'm here. I'm okay. You found me." I whisper against his mouth, try to stop the mewling noises he makes between the biting kisses. He whimpers and there is moisture on his cheeks. He kneels in front of me and I hate that I can't get out of my chains. He's so desperate for affection, reassurance and I can't even touch him or hold him. "Gotta be strong. You need to be strong now, Xander, boy. Be strong." I tell him because I can hear the others coming down the stairs already.

"Get away from him, Spike!" Buffy screeches the moment her eyes fall on us.

"Oi Slayer! I'm not doing anything, still chained up nice and tight."

"But you are doing something..." The extent of her ignorance is impressive.
"Just because Xander is all over me doesn't mean I magicked him somehow. I'm just that irresistible." Play it light, Spike. Look Slayer, I'm not dangerous. I'm just a dumb, arrogant vampire who's full of shit. No danger at all to you, Almighty Slayer. You can let me go. No harm done. Promise.

"Get away from him, Xander." Buffy says, in her ice queen voice and pulls a stake from behind her back.

Xander doesn't move, doesn't show any sign that he heard her at all. He just clings to me and keeps nuzzling at the side of my neck. He's gotta be hungry.

"Xander! I'm not saying it again! Get - away - from - Spike!"

Xander stiffens against me, he drags in air, steeling himself and his whole body goes into fighting mode. Not good. "Xander?" He looks up at me and, fuck, I think his eyes are gleaming. Why is he turning so fast? He presses a lingering kiss to my lips and then pushes himself to his feet. Slowly he turns and faces Buffy, his body carefully covering all of mine from her reach.

"NO." He says and it's like a pistol shot gone off in a kindergarten.

 

~ Xander ~

"But Xander..."

"No, Buffy, I will not get away from Spike." I say and sigh. "And put away the damn stake."

"No. Why?" Isn't it obvious?

"Because I'm not pointing a gun at you either!"

"Huh?" She actually looks weirded out. "Why do I have to put my stake away?"

"Buffy, maybe because it's not polite to have a conversation with weapons out?" Willow adds and tries to grab the stake. Buffy evades her.
"But I don't want to be polite! I want to kill Spike." She says and makes a stabbing motion. "He hurt Xander, remember Willow?" Buffy speaks as if to a child, as if Willow was the one not getting the point.

Giles takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them.

Angel comes to us and with a sharp motion of his head he indicates that he wants to look after Spike. I nod. "Get him out of the restraints, Angel.“ Just barely remembering the hierarchy, I add: “Please."

"So, what kind of tests do you want to do?" I ask and look each of them in the eyes. My friends, my worthless friends.

"I don't think there are any tests necessary." Giles says and Willow starts crying. Riley gets into fighting stance.

I can't believe they actually talked everything through. What do we do if Xander is a vamp whore? Oh we kill him. Or Spike. Or better both. Making plans is not Buffy's way of slaying - she rarely makes plans. Only for the real big enemies. Guess I count as one of them now? "So what? You wanna kill me now?"

"No, Xander! How could you think that! We're only after Spike!" Willow says and manages to sound wide-eyed with innocence and aggrieved. "We would never hurt you."

"But you hurt me if you kill him!“ I’m starting to lose my patience with them, with all of them. What else shall I do to make them believe I’m with Spike, free will and all. “Why would you kill him anyway?"

Riley snorts - Angel and Spike growl in stereo.

"Xander, when we found you... you were... there was blood and you could barely stand and it was obvious that Spike, look, he raped you." Willow sobs.

"That's not what happened-"

"This is this Oslo-thing again, yes, Giles?" Buffy asks and Giles stares at her uncomprehending for a moment, then he answers.

"It could be that Xander is indeed affected by the Stockholm-Syndrome. We don't know how long he was kidnapped by Spike and-"

"Hello? I'm in the room. How about asking me?" European capitols, my ass. And kidnapped?

"It's not like you told us anything!" Buffy screams at me, at least we're back to direct accusations. "Why now Xander, what is all this mess? You never liked Angel, or Spike and you were the one who told me to stop it when I was with Angel..."

"I was stupid. Buffy, I'm sorry. I was stupid and envious and a brat in all ways you can imagine."

"And what’s changed? What makes you think you’ve changed that much? What if you're stupid and …bratty again?"

I look at Spike and he grimaces, turns his eyes to the ceiling - too much of a chick flick moment for him. "He saved me, Buffy. He saved me when no one else could and he didn't need to. He chose to save me."

"And what did he get out of it?" Riley injects.

"Free blood." Spike smirks at Riley.

"Not helping." Angel says in Sire's voice.

"So he changed you? There was blood involved?"

"No. Yes. It's all wrong. Whatever." I throw my hands up helplessly. "What does matter is: he saved me and he didn't have to and he did it anyway."

"And now what? You owe him your services until he or rather you die? Seems to me a bit old fashioned." Giles asks.

"Look who’s talking." Angel sneers.

"If I remember right I'm not the oldest one in the room." Giles gives back.

"Yeah, but you sure look it." And Spike scores the goal like no one else can.

"So you feel like you owe him?" Willow asks with a frown on her face. "Does he pressure you-"

"No. It's not like that. He saved me and that made me see him in a new light." Can I sound anymore girly?! Spike actually snorts in the background, but his fingertips touch mine. He's finally free of the chains.

"Xander, god, what kind of mess did you get yourself into that Spike had to save you anyway? What happened that even a pathetic, disabled vampire felt the need to help you?"

~ Spike ~

Only the combined effort of Angel and Xander hold me back. I snarl and snap my fangs at the slayer like a rabid dog, spitting and growling at her. Is she just too stupid to even comprehend how blunt she's being? How she belittles him just to quip at me?

"You stupid bint! Didn't have a lot of time to think about helping after the whelp dropped in my arms half-dead after his father had fucking belted him until his bones showed through."

"Spike!" Yeah, I know, Xander doesn’t want this in the open, but they just need to understand what happened or we’ll never make it out of here.

"Wasn't the first time by any means, considering as long as Xander took it, little drunken momma didn't need to. You love your mom, don't you, slayer? Xander proved that every other night, has been taking a beating for his mom for I don't wanna even think about how long."

"Spike - will you stop it!" Xander has turned to me, but looks at the floor, embarrassed.

“No, Xander, you fucking stop it. You hid well enough for your little friends here. But you shouldn’t have needed to. Your parents hurt you and there was no one to help you until I was there---“ I break off. Fucking melodramatic soap-opera-style revealing speech. “Can we go now?“

They look stunned, these people who pretend to care for my boy. I wonder what they expected. As far as it goes, I’m done. Done with them, done with Sunnydale. I just want to get Xander and get the hell out of dodge.

“I don’t think you can go with Spike, Xander.“ Oh the bloody Slayer again. Enlighten us. “We might not have been there before and I’m really, really sorry we didn’t notice anything, but we’re here now and we won’t let you go from one violent relationship into another one!“

49 - Flight

~ Xander ~

What? Wait. “What?“ I turn to face Buffy. This is ridiculous. „You won’t let me go into what?!“

“A violent relationship.“

“A violent relationship? I don’t have a violent relationship with Spike!“

“You don’t? You were bitten and left bleeding!“

“And raped!“ Willow pipes up.

“Would you fucking shut it, Willow!“ God, I lost it in front of Willow. She shrinks back into herself. “I wasn’t raped! Everything was totally consensual!“

“But he hurt you!“

„He didn’t hurt me like in hurting me! I wanted him to do it, I wanted him to bite me!“ Oh very, smart. Maybe I should just give in and let them kill me.

“Xander, really I don’t want to say this but—“ Giles starts.

“If you don’t want to say it maybe you should just keep your trap shut?“ Spike breaks in.

“If you suffered under your father’s hand—“ Giles goes on but Spike interrupts him again.

“If he suffered?!“

After a sidelong look at Spike, Giles continues speaking directly to me. “You suffered under your father’s hands and your psyche might substituting pain for affection. You need close psychological attention to overcome such conditioning. I don’t think it’s healthy to let past experiences interfere with the decisions you make now.“

“You think I’m insane?!“ I think they might be insane!

“You can’t expect us to believe that you are in the right frame of mind after you said you wanted a vampire to bite you!“ Buffy says, nodding to Giles.

“You of all people, Buffy, should understand that biting is not always about killing or blood.“ Angel says and stands halfway in front of me while Spike pushes forward on the other side. They shield me from my friends without making me look weak.

 

~ Spike ~

Sire, Sire, Sire. You’ve got nerve.

Little Buffy flames up nicely, outside and inside. Hot girl she is, shy and aroused like that.

„That was different!“ Buffy finally gets out. „I saved your life!“

„Buffy assured me that the bite had been utterly painful to her.“ Oh, Daddy to the rescue.

„Buffy?“ Angel smiles one of those I-already-won-smiles.

„It was painful.“

„Yeah, well at first, I admit that but-“ Xander breaks off when I stomp on his foot. Can’t he just once keep his mouth shut? „Ouch! What was that for!?“

„It doesn’t matter – I saved your life and, and as a Slayer my pain tolerance is way above the normal and…“

„Oh shut it. Getting off on being bitten has nothing to do with pain tolerance or your being a slayer. It just happens – get over it.“ I say and turn my back to them. Gotta check on Xander. Puppy takes everything too seriously. I wink at him and he smiles the too-shy-to-flirt-with-you-right-now-smile back. Adorable.

„I did it to save your life! You were my friend and I saved you. I just had to save you.“ Buffy’s voice sounds watery. Tears, Slayer? „And I have the same reasons now. Xander is my friend and I have to save him.“ I roll my eyes and Xander surpresses giggling. I feel so comfortable with him, just standing there, not breaking eye contact. Intimate. Our own world within this one.

 „Giles. NOW!“ Wait, what?

Angel goes down beside me, tackled by Riley and Giles. I’m about to turn around but the Slayer’s hand is on my shoulder and the rest is P-A-I-N.

 

~ Angel ~

The attack comes as a surprise - even to me and my vampire senses - and I go down below the combined weight of Giles and Riley.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Buffy appearing behind Spike and I roar, trying to shove the humans off of me without harming them - alright, without harming Giles too much. I don't care about Riley that much.

I watch - suddenly as if in slow motion - how Xander tries to tear Buffy and Spike apart. But through the un-life long bond that is our bloodline I can tell that it is already too late.

All I can do is watch while I throw Riley in the general direction of the stairs and grab Giles by the throat. Watch how Spike's - my Childe's - body starts to crumble and turns to ashes. The look on Xander's face is utter shock and disbelief as the ashes fall to the ground and the bloodline that was once Spike - William - goes quiet and still in my head.

Xander makes a noise - one I can only describe as despair - and drops to his knees. I shove Giles away and am forced to watch helplessly as all life drains from Xander's face and the spark that made him so unique leaves his eyes. The pulse in the bloodline that just started to establish itself grows weak again and just as suddenly goes out too.

That's unexpected and too soon and I hear myself roar "XANDER!" before I even finish the boy's head lolls forward until his chin rests on his breast bone. Powerless his limbs sack to the ground. His heart slows, his breathing minimises. Xander's body drops and falls over into the ashes that used to be Spike. There was not even the beginning of a reflex to catch himself. He stops. He just stops. Unwillingly to go on for just a second longer.

I run to him and drag him up against my torso. He’s dead weight. „Xander! Xander!“ I call out to him and grab his chin, turn his head so that he has to look at me but his eyes, one open, one halfway closed, don’t focus on anything. Drool and blood runs down the hand I’m holding his chin with. He hasn’t even realized he bit through his lip. No pain awareness. Xander has completely withdrawn from reality.

Xander's torso drops and falls over into the ashes that used to be Spike. Buffy, Willow and Giles just stare in the same horrible disbelief I am feeling right now.
Only Riley - I'm gonna kill him, I swear - throws himself at me again.

There's a sudden ... shift in the air and Riley stops mid-air. He just hangs there, while everyone else is not even blinking anymore.
And neither am I. I'm frozen. Like time stopped without warning or reason.

"This is not going as planned." says a male voice and the Oracles step into my line of sight. I can feel my eyes widen, but I still can't move. Can't make any kind of noise.

"Oh really?" the female Oracle sounds a little sarcastic and the male blinks at her. I want to ask them what they are doing. I want to demand that they give Spike and Xander back. I want...

"This is not acceptable." sighs the male.

And just like that I'm standing next to Spike and Xander again. I blink.

„Giles. NOW!“ Wait, what?

 

~ Angel ~

The attack comes as a surprise - even to me and my vampire senses - and I go down below the combined weight of Giles and Riley yelling for Spike to check „Behind you, Spike!“.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Buffy appearing behind Spike and I roar, trying to shove the humans off of me without harming them - alright, without harming Giles too much. I don't care about Riley.

I watch - suddenly as if in slow motion - how Xander shoves Spike to the side and Buffy sinks a stake into his chest.

I throw Riley into the general direction of the stairs not caring in the least where and how he lands. I shove Giles to the ground just as roughly and watch as Spike falls to his knees, holding Xander in his arms.

"Oh my god... Xander... I didn't... Oh my god..." Buffy slaps a hand over her mouth. „Get away from him!“ Spike yells and shoves Buffy aside.The bloodline that just started to form itself for Xander goes quiet and still and I can hear his heart stop. Just like that.

Spike roars - loud, helplessly, despairing - and Riley - I swear, I'm going to kill him - launches himself at me again.

There's a sudden ... shift in the air and Riley stops mid-air. He just hangs there, while everyone else is not even blinking anymore.
And neither am I. I'm frozen. Like time stopped without warning or reason.

I'm starting to get the distant feeling of déja vu...

"THIS is not going as planned either." says a male voice and the Oracles step into my line of sight. I can feel my eyes widen, but I still can't move. Can't make any kind of noise. This feels uncomfortably familiar.

"Oh really?" the female Oracle sounds a little sarcastic and the male blinks at her. I want to ask them what they are doing. I want to demand they give Xander back. I want...

The male Oracle looks straight at me. "Could you TRY and get it RIGHT this time, maybe?"

And just like that I'm standing next to Spike and Xander again. I blink.

„Giles. NOW!“ Wait, what?

 

~ Xander ~

One moment Spike smirks at me and the next his eyes fly open in shock and his pupils fracture into yellow. He freezes, jaw clenching. Over his shoulder I see Buffy.

Too close. Slayer. Too close.

As if in slow-motion I grab both of their shoulders with one of my hands and pull them apart. Uncomprending I see Buffy’s hand closed around a stake that’s embedded deeply into Spike’s back.

The smell of burned flesh nearly makes me gag and under my hand Spike’s shoulder gets mushy. Flakes of ashes are in the air.

No. No. Nononononononooooooo…

There's a flash of light and the pictures I just saw in my head - and can I say GROSS here - are gone with the sudden roar coming from Angel, pretty much at the same time as Buffy shouts "Giles! NOW!

Riley and Giles try to jump Angel but get thrown around by Deadboy like rag-dolls. Giles crashes into Buffy, who was just trying to stake MY VAMPIRE!!!

The next thing I hear is Willow shrieking like a startled mouse and I'm hanging in mid-air over Angel's shoulder, who's running - no, scratch that - charging upstairs, a no less startled Spike under his other arm.

Did he just mutter "Bloody Oracles!" under his breath?

 

tbc... I highly appreciate your concrit/feedback/questions/demands... just mail me!

Overview

A: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08
B: 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22
C: 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33
D: 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 |tbc...