23 - Surprise

~ Spike ~

I look down on my forearm. Bite marks. Human bite marks. What the bloody hell did Harris think? I clench my jaws together so hard my teeth hurt. I can't believe he bit me. Doesn't he know that. No, of course he doesn't know. But… fuck it. Damn it. Bloody fucking hell. Have to get them off of me. Have to get rid of them. Have to…

I cock my head to the side when a loud sobbing sound comes from inside the bathroom.

Xanny is crying. Poor, poor Xanny. Fucking deserves it. He bit me. ME! So why the hell is *he* crying? Huh? Huh?!

I stand up and go over to the kitchen isle. The water is cold as it runs over the underside of my arm, washing away the blood, spiralling pinkish down the drain. Little Xanny has strong teeth, strong jaws. The wound is deep and neat. I can sodding count his teeth! This will take some time to heal. Human bites are nasty buggers on vampire skin.

 

~ Xander ~

I can't help it. I am crying. Damn, I fucked up big time. What have I done? Why the hell did I bite Spike? Like some animal I clamped down my teeth and … fuck it felt good.

I can still taste the blood. Oh fuck.

I lift my arm and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, stare down at the red smear of Spike's blood on my skin. Have to get it off. Have to clean it away.

God. What is wrong with me? Why do I always fuck up the good things in my life? I sob louder while I clean away the blood with my tongue. I don't care if he hears me crying. Don't care if he thinks I am a baby. I feel like crying. Long and hard. Like the swipes of my tongue that make the ruby liquid disappear. Spike tastes good.

Oh fuck!

Thought I was free of the hyena. Thought it was gone. But something changed and I have to tell Spike. Hah. As if he doesn't know. But I have to talk to him. Have to… explain what I can't understand myself.

This is fucking blood I am licking. Spike's blood now. Some random blood down at the bar and … oh god. What is wrong with me?

 

~ Spike ~

I lick at the wound while I get out blood from the fridge. Bless who ever, at least it's human again. Any more pig's and I’d get sick from the smell alone.

Damn, what the bloody hell made Xander bite me?

I relive the evening in my mind.

I brought him to the bar, he worked, I came back to dust that vamp that spilled blood over Xan.

Fuck.

Xan licked blood from his arm down at the bar.

We danced, we went upstairs, Treckle was there. Xanny 'snapped', kind of, when he stared at… or when Treck stared at Xan. Bloody hell. Oh bloody friggin' hell.

It was Treckle's influence. I thought he was harmless, only got part of the gift. Only reading, not influencing people as his mother could. Hell. What will I do with him? He is too weak to control that much of…

I suppress the urge to spin around when the bathroom door opens. I am still angry. Even if it was not Xan's fault.

 

~ Xander ~

I am afraid but I am not a coward. I have to apologize to Spike. I can't hide here forever. If I could, I would. Staying in the bathroom means staying in the apartment, staying here. I don't want to leave. I know I have to. Spike won't put up with that much crap from me. Fuck. I want to stay. Want to stay here. Want to stay with Spike. Want to see him laugh and wake up with him and dance with him and… OVER. Nobody to blame but myself. Should have told Spike about this craving the first time I felt it or the second time – not days later – not when it's too late. Please Spike? Please… please what? I stuff my fist in my mouth so as not to sob out loud again.

I open the bathroom door carefully, just a slit, and look for Spike. He is at the kitchen isle. His back is rigid with coiled anger. Wonder if he is angry enough that he vamped out.

He slams the microwave shut so hard I jump. Oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckohfuck.

I feel so bad, I don't dare to get on my feet, so I slowly crawl over to Spike on all fours. He does nothing to acknowledge my careful approach but I know he knows I am there.

I reach him and press my cheek against his thigh just when the microwave beeps.

Spike gets the mug out and makes a step to the side – away from me – turns around and leans against the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I see him raising the mug to his lips and drinking the blood.

I don't dare to really look up, don't dare to meet his eyes. I don't know what to say or to do so I just close the physical distance between us, and again, lean my cheek against his thigh. The muscles in his leg twitch and tighten but he doesn't move away, doesn't say or do anything at all other then slowly sipping his blood from the mug.

 

~ Spike ~

I hardly hide the surprise when he doesn't stand up. I see his reflection in a pan, see him crawling forward, head down, wary but determined to.. I sniff.. submit? Fuck. Why does the boy know this but not the most obvious rule. You just don't bite a vampire, it's like someone with a death wish, a fledge taunting a Master. I grit my teeth, try to ignore how hard his show of submission makes me, his degradation to more animalistic ways of communication.

He reaches me and I ignore him, ignore his warm face pressing against my thigh. My cock twitches and I don't want him to see, I turn away, the beeping of the microwave gives me an excuse to step away from him but it doesn't matter: the scent of rejection and hopelessness fills the air. Right, let him suffer, as if he hasn't suffered enough already in his short life. Pffft. I am such a ponce.

The next time he presses against me, I don't move away. His warmth feels good against me and, for a second, I allow myself to daydream, imagine him nuzzle in my crotch, sniffing and then licking and sucking through the fabric till I give him permission to take me out, take me in that pouty mouth of his. I don't think he would even deny it me now, he is so desperate to stay.

I look down at the body – not to the boy, he is beautiful like this, kneeling at my feet, silently begging for approval.

 

~ Xander ~

Through my cast-down lashes, I look up. His face is contradicted with anger and pleasure. He ignores me for long minutes. When he finally acknowledges my presence with a sad look of gleaming golden eyes, I have to look down again, ashamed.

He puts the glass on the counter forcefully, nearly slams it down and from the dregs in there, the last quarter of the glass, tiny splatters of blood rush up like a fountain.

"It's not your fault." He tells me. In my mind I snort at him. Everything is my fault. I am always the one to blame and I deserve it. It's just my nature to fuck things up. Anyway, I stay silent and don't move.

"If I had known that Treckle has the ability to manipulate the feelings…" He trails off as I shake my head vigorously.

"It wasn't him." It's my fault and I take full responsibility – doesn't matter how much I dislike Treckle. I fuck things up – I take the consequences.

"Xander, these things are tricky. The power of manipulation lies in the ability to do it without the other noticing that he is actually being manipulated."

"Right. But I *know* it wasn't him."

"What do you mean?"

I'm not sure how to say this. All I know is that I have to tell Spike. If anything, he can help me. But I am a coward.

"I just know."

"How do you explain yourself then?"

 

~ Spike ~

He chokes back a sob and doesn't answer. I am not known for my patience and this boy has grated on my last nerve.

"Xander, you *bit* me!" I thunder. I can't let up now, I have to know what is going on, maybe I’ll have to make decisions, take precautions.

The boy starts trembling, I so want to take him in my arms and make it go away, but after he bit me, after he…

"I know." He says so low I don't really hear it, only feel the movement of his jaw against my thigh.

Fuck this. I need answers, I need him to see why I am so angry with him, so I explode:

"Why the hell did you do that? You are the first human I ever *trusted* and you start a fight and bite me, even though you know I have the bloody chip in my head and can't defend myself!"

 

24 - Questions

~ Xander ~

Oh god! I didn't think about that. Damn. The chip. If I hadn't realized…

"Spike, I am sorry. Please…"

"No Xander. Not if you won't tell me why. I am a fucking *Master Vampire*. Nobody except my Sire is allowed to bite me. Not without my permission. Why the fucking hell did *you* bite me?" Spike yells, outrage in every cell in his body. Now I am sobbing for real. Loud and wet, tears are falling to the floor. And Spike is not moving at all.

"I am not sure… It must be a spell… or something… I just have this totally crazy…" I trail off. How do I phrase this? How do I tell him I want to…

"Xander, get a grip. Just tell me so I can help you." His tone is a bit softer, concerned now. Is it the mentioning of magic or my tears that make him less angry at me?

I shake my head. He'll throw me out if I cause this many problems.

"I won't throw you out and there is no problem that cannot be solved." Spike says and I stare up. Does he read my mind now? No, I must have said it out loud.

 

~ Spike ~

My anger dissolves a bit when I smell his tears. Hearing him sobbing through the bathroom door isn't as touching as seeing him here, on his knees his whole body begging me to not hurt him anymore but nevertheless he waits for the kick. Poor, poor pet. I remember a time with Angelus when I was this needy for his approval but never got… and I so don't want to dwell on this kind of memory now.

When I hear him say out loud what he, for sure, only uttered out loud by mistake, I have it confirmed. I wouldn't throw him out, not just because of these little problems. If he refrains from bloody biting me though! I have to make some rules clearer, didn't know I needed them, didn't know it would come to this. Spell, he says? Treckle, I guess.

He looks up at me and I take in his big watery puppy eyes, the tear streaked face. Oh bloody buggering hell. I kneel before him and pull him in my arms. He goes willingly and buries his face against my shoulder. Mind the teeth, pet! I restrain from growling. I still want him to feel safe with me.

"So Xanny, tell me please." I ask again, croon to him like I used to do to Drusilla after she broke down sobbing on the floor, crying out for Daddy or the stars or what the hell ever, to not hurt her anymore. His tears are flowing freely all the time and he wets my shirt with them, I can feel the salty liquid soak through the fabric and caress my skin. Tears are all the same, mine, Dru's or his. Always cold.

"Why did you bite me, luv?" I question him again, not wanting to pressure but needing answers eventually.

"Blant." He mumbles against my neck. Who the hell is Blant?

 

~ Xander ~

"Who is Blant?" Spike asks, puzzled.

I shake my head. "Blood." I say, a bit more understandably.

"You bit me because of blood?"

I nod. Simplest thing in the world. Biting equals wanting blood.

"Because I dusted your customer when he spilled blood over your arm?" I am getting a little frustrated here.

"No. I wanted your blood." I swear if he starts to laugh, I’ll kill myself.

"My blood?"

I nod and he tenses up. Maybe he doesn't think this is funny at all.

"It must be Treck. It has to be him. He manipulates you to…" He starts talking, finding explanations that are better than the most obvious one.

"No, Spike, I felt it before, all the time actually since we started this." I sigh. He just has to get it now.

"All the time you wanted my blood, wanted to see me dead?" I swear Spike kinda squeaked the last part.

"Fuck no, Spike." I say quickly.

"So you crave to see blood."

I shake my head and suppress groaning in frustration. Yeah, okay, so I could tell him straight out but.. God, he'll think I am totally out of my mind! How can I…

"To see me bleed?"

Head-shake. He so sucks at this.

 

~ Spike ~

"Damn it. Just tell me the rest. I'm not in the mood for twenty questions!" And I am not good at it either. I see how the boy tries to find another excuse, tries to find something to tell me to distract me, so I do the only logical thing: I growl.

"Wanna drink it" He whispers then, very lowly.

"No, thanks not now, don't get off topic." Idiot kid. First we find out what is wrong with him and maybe later I’ll have a little sip on his blood. And I can't believe I just turned him down.

 

~ Xander ~

I groan inwardly. Where is intelligent!Spike when I need him?

"*I* want to drink *your* blood." I say suddenly, loud and clear and blushing five shades of red while I stare at the floor.

Seconds go by in silence, baited breath, then:

"*You*… *you* want to *drink*… *my blood*???"

God yes! Involuntarily I whimper longingly and I feel Spike tense up. He is alarmed, muscles coiled and ready for a fight or flight.

"Since when?" He growls.

"Since mom told us, well me… to move out."

"Just my blood or…" I look up at Spike, his eyes are concerned and a little dilated. Must be from all the blood talk.

"Blood in general, can smell it. It's so strong. I try to withstand but when you're near it's so hard…" Looks like I babble to confess as well as I babble to distract.

"So if you had the choice between mine and other blood, you'd take mine."

I nod, tongue flicking out to lick dry lips.

"Describe the feeling." Fuck no.

"What, why?" Are you my psychotherapist? Describe the pain, then draw it, burn the painting and it'll be gone. Not gone? Well, sing the pain…

"'Cause we have to get information to figure out what's going on."

Damn.

"It's hard, Spike. To talk about this and not…"

"Not get some?" I nod and stare at Spike who obviously considers whether to give me blood or not, then: "I can't let you have blood before we know what effects it could have. Understand?"

I don't care about effects. Just a bit, k? I nod for Spike since that is what he expects me to do.

 

~ Spike ~

"So it's hunger than." I ask and know the answer already.

"Kinda. I'm not hungry like wanting food. It's like I am missing something. It's like going into withdrawal but that's impossible. I only had blood as a hyena and I don’t feel possessed. And why your blood? It must be a spell or…"

Hyena? Spell? Withdrawal? Oh fuck.

He trails off when I stand up abruptly. Fuck.

 

~ Xander ~

"Spike? Where are you going?" Don't leave me. Please don't leave me.

"I have an idea what this is about. Just have to make a call."

"You’re phoning Buffy?"

"No. Why the hell should I..?" Then he nods in understanding. "Xander, this is not a reason I'd call Buffy to collect you, like parents would a bad kid. Something is wrong with you, this craving of blood isn't normal for a human, you agree there, right. And we have to solve this. Buffy is the last person I want sniffing around here and …" near you.

"And?"

"I told you, it was your choice, my world or your old world. You made your choice, you chose my world, now you are here, you stay here, whether you want to or not, is that clear?"

Voice like steel and all I can do is nod. Not gonna get kicked out. Not gonna get kicked out.

 

~ Spike ~

"Alright. Just wait a sec. Back soon." I say, and grab the cell from a shelf. I am nearly out of the door when he calls out to me.

"Spike? Could you take the glass away?"

What? Bloody hell. That bad? I stare at him, disbelief must be showing on my face but the revelation of how much he craves blood is shocking me. I messed up big time.

"Why don't you go, grab a shower, pet?" I tell him and nod in direction of the door. After long seconds he unfocuses from the glass and pulls himself together.

"Yeah, shower would be good." While he stands up and leaves the room I start dialing.

 

~ Xander ~

When I close the door I hear Spike speak.

"Sire? It's me, Will."

Who is he phoning? Dru? Does Dru know how to work a cell? She is nuts. He wouldn't, would he… Or Angel? He'd not seriously tell Deadboy I want to drink blood???

 

25 - Answers

~ Spike ~

I grab the cell HE gave me after the Initiative debacle and press the speed dial. He takes the call nearly immediately.. makes me wonder if he didn't lie when he promised me to take it with him wherever he goes or whatever he does.

"Sire? It's me Will." I say the words we didn't need to agree on. 

"Will, boy, you are in trouble." He answers and I can actually hear the surprise, joy and annoyance fight for dominance - pity he decides, as always, on no emotion at all.

"No.." Erm. "Well.. maybe?" Bloody hell, how do I explain this mess to him?

"What is it?"

"Ihaveahuman.."

"What?" He interrupts me. Bloody impatient bastard! "You have a human?"

"No, I have a human problem." I should rephrase that.

"A human problem?!" See, should have rephrased it.

"Let me explain.. .."

"Well then actually *do* some explaining!" He growls at me and I shudder in memory of events not that far in the past.

"A human, a human was hurt and I put my blood on the wounds to close them."

He laughs shortly, then: "And now you have this human, you helped for what ever reason I am sure to never understand, following you and craving your blood?"

"Exactly."

"You know how dangerous that is. with the.. thing inside your head?" He sounds honestly concerned now and the feeling in my stomach doesn't make it easier.

"Yes." I pause, trying to find a way to get through this without telling too much and getting him to come over here in less than an hour. "And how do I get rid of the human?"

The line stays silent for a long while, I fear he’s launched into a deep brood. "Sire?"

"Well, .." He says reluctantly. "The effects of the blood will wear off in a few weeks, couple of months maybe or longer, I don't know really. But it won't get better in the time of withdrawal, it'll get worse. The human has the craving and that's so strong, he is like a fledge but as intelligent as before, keeps his human attributes, he'll do anything to get your blood. And you're an easy target with the chip." As if I didn't know that!

…

"Did you ever.."

"Yes, but killed her shortly after, was too annoying, like a blood thirsty groupie."

"So… what if I continue giving that person blood?"

"It is not just about giving blood!" He thunders. "Will, damn it. You *only* give blood to a human, without killing them beforehand, when you prepare them to become your consort." Ouch.

"Uh huh."

"You want the human as your consort?" He growls, demonic possessiveness I tell myself, not jealousy.

"I… wouldn't mind."

"Do I know him?" Why? Will you go kill him?

"What makes you think it's a him."

"Will.." He sighs and yes, okay, maybe he knows me a little.

"Alright. Y-you don't know him."

"Will." Fuck. Never could lie to him.

"No."

"You're lying."

"Nope." Believe in yourself and the world believes you. Idiotic idea. Never works.

"Will." This time he growls my name and I feel my cock harden. Fuck, why does he always get to me?

"What other effects does the blood have?" Direct questions, concentrate on the important things.

"First you tell me who it is."

"I am still in Sunnydale, who do you think he is?" Me and my big mouth.

"Well, it could be anybody from a random boy at the college to one of the best friends of the.." He trails off, and I can actually hear the cogs turning in his big head, then in between surprise and outrage: "You want *Xander* as your consort for *eternity*? Are you totally nuts? The slayer will kill you, if you aren't annoyed with him in the first couple of days and kill him, and yourself in the process! Will, please… I don't want you dead."

"Am already dead."

"You know what I mean!"

"I'm in the Twilight with him."

That shut him up.

After a while:

"Effects: healthier, stronger, better reflexes, better stamina, better condition, slower altering process until claiming, 'not human' to everybody with better senses including the slayer." He takes a deep breath, I can feel how hard this must be for him.

"You have to keep the quantity of the blood as low as possible; the more he needs to calm the craving, the closer you come to the point where you have to turn him." He continues. "The craving will not be so strong when you claim him properly but it will increase the older he gets. Normal blood can keep him calmer but he'll need your blood or he'll go nuts, well more nuts than he already is. .. .. Pffft. Xander Harris!" He laughs and again I shudder and remember moments from the past, good moments.

"Would be good to claim him then." If I could bite him, mark him without my head exploding before I can actually do it.

"Yeah, Will, I am on it, it's all still fuzzy but I'll figure it out. I promised you, boy."

Damn, don't like that he can read me that easily. He isn't supposed to have so much of Angelus. Anyway. "Thank you, Sire."

"Will."

"Angel?"

"Be careful and talk to him about *everything*."

"Will do." Everything everything? Oh by the way Harris, you need my blood or you're in pain and can I bite you and fuck you please so you can be my consort for eternity or until one of us dies in an attempt to kill the other. Yeah, that will go down well.

"Give me a ring soon, will you?"

"Yes, I'll call you."

I am the one who presses the disconnect button first.

*** *** ***

~ Xander ~

I open the bathroom door and step out. Spike sits on the couch, face in his hands, shoulders slumped. I go over to him without a second thought.

"What's wrong?" I ask him and he looks up, startles me when he lets out a short bark of laughter. He stares at my chest, follows the little water drops with his eyes longingly.

Damn. I'm still only in the tight jeans. And they will be a lot tighter if he doesn't stop looking at me as if he wants to lick me all over.

"Spike?"

"Hm?"

"News?"

"Hm."

His hand reaches out tentatively and catches a water drop just above the waistband of my jeans. My stomach muscles ripple from the cool touch.

Goosebumps on my whole body and then suddenly I'm straddling Spike's lap, staring into his blue dilating eyes, my lips inches away from his mouth.

"Spike." I gasp out, as a cool thumb rubs one of my nipples.

 

~ Spike ~

"I have to tell you something." I say, my gaze fixed on how my thumbs now each play with one nipple.

"What?" He whispers hoarsely, the blush creeping into his face is so delicious. Like that when I touch you, pet, don't you?

"You remember when I said you were hurt very badly? How my spit helped you heal?"

He doesn't answer right away so I pinch one, now erect, nipple hard. He moans.

"Yeah. Remember." He barely gets those two simple words out.

"I not only used my saliva, I applied blood to the wounds too." I dropped the bomb and now I wait for the fallout.. three two one .. there he goes.

 

~ Xander ~

"You WHAT?" I squeal and jump to my feet.

"Xander, the cuts were deep and would have scarred."

"So, it was no cream, no ointment? It was your *blood* you put on my back!"

"Yes."

I can't believe this. He put his blood on my back to help me heal. His precious blood.

"I.. I don't know… what to say."

"I am sorry, Xander. I didn't know about the effects it has on a human. If I had known, I wouldn't have… bollocks! I’d have done it anyway. Didn't want that fucker to leave more marks on you."

"Spike, I'm…" I've got you. You're safe.

"Yes, I know, you're upset 'cos you don't want to crave blood, *my blood* for God's sake, but I didn't do it on purpose! I just wanted to help you…"

"Spike! I am not upset. It's creepy, this craving, yeah, all the longing to have your blood and not knowing why, but now I know why… Can I have some?"

Can vampires pass out? Spike sure looks like he'll pass out any moment. He stares at me with unbelieving eyes.

"You want to drink more of my blood?" He eventually says and I want to smack him.

"Well, yeah, that is what all this is about, isn't it." I frown.

 

~ Spike ~

I groan inwardly. What the hell happened to me? Since when am I the voice of reason?

"No." I say, and sigh defeated. "It's about you *not* drinking my blood. It's not natural to crave it."

"But it really *is* tasty." Oh. "And I don't think it could do any damage, do you think."

"Xander, do you get anything I say?" I ask slowly, as if talking to a child.

"This is serious. You're kind of addicted." You're kind of addicting too.

"Well, yes. I confess, I am addicted. My name is Xander and I am addicted and I want my next shot." he states stubbornly. Oh no.

"There are things we have to discuss first. There are consequences…"

My demon is going crazy. Mate mate mate. But I clamp down on my instincts as hard as I can, this is not the time to make any hurried decisions. We have to talk and be reasonable or I'll mess up Xan's life.

"No. Blood. Now." He demands and pouts. How shall I withstand that?

"No, talk first." Sire said so, reasonable part of the brain says so, the part that wants to grab Xander, fuck him ‘til we're both bloody and drain him, turn him, fuck him again within an inch of his unlife every night and forever - is ignored. I shift uncomfortably.

"No."

"Xander." I am in control of the situation.

"Will it make a difference? If I have a little blood now?" My jaw drops nearly to the ground when he actually leers at me. Bloody fucking hell.

Down, boy. And now he is shifting around, straining his biceps and shoulder muscles..

"Not really, you’ll just start again on square one in the withdrawal and you’ve already made it erm… two days, if we ignore the little bit from the bar and from me and…" Damn you cheeky bastard, got me all distracted with your body.

"It doesn't matter." He says and grins at me.

"But you can still stop this, you can decide against taking my blood."

 

~ Xander ~

Decide against Spike's blood? Never.

"So it doesn't make a difference at all." I say, and I know I have him. "Not really. Not this time, right?" I whisper hoarsely and Spike just stares at me, wide eyed and surprised.

"Can I have blood now?" I go to stand in front of him. He hesitates *still*.

I nearly see thoughts swirling around in his mind. "Please?" I say and show him the best puppy dog eyes ever. He sighs. Gotcha.

"Come here." His hands grab my hips and pull me towards him, I straddle his lap again.

"Comfy." I declare with a little moan in my voice. Looks like all this talk about blood not only aroused me. I rock my hips a bit, rubbing our erections together through thick layers of jeans. Fuck. Good. Spike takes in a sharp breath then shakes himself out of it.

"Rules." He says, in a voice I’ve only heard once or twice before. It's a voice that demands attention and doesn't allow words in opposition. I shiver and my cock twitches as he continues.

"You are not allowed to take my blood without my permission. You are not allowed to bite me without my permission. You only take as much blood as you really need or as I say you are allowed to. You only drink blood I give to you, regardless of what kind of blood it is. If I tell you to stop, you stop.

Understood?"

 

26 - Gratification

~ Xander ~

I nod eagerly. Can we get to the actual blood drinking part now?

"Yes." I say out loud, when he doesn't seem convinced by the nod.

 

~ Spike ~

I stare at the whelp for a moment longer. Fuck, Xander Harris practically begging for my blood. Does he have any idea of what that does to me? He gives me the whole puppy dog eyes and pouting lips, he is kissable, loveable even – bloody hell. He is just a.. a.. what is he? Not a friend, not a fuck, not a meal, something in between all that and it makes my demon go crazy. Wish I could claim him, make him mine. Would give my demon some rest at least.

"Spike.. please?" Oh – yes. Begging now. I hope I don't do this wrong, fuck this up. Sire said talk before blood, but how can I talk to him when he has such a strong.. craving. First things first.

"Good." I say, at last, with a sigh and he moans in relief, rocking a bit on my lap, urging me on even more. I can't remember ever hearing my sire say 'talk before blood' – even if he's a poof, he isn’t a girl. I slip into my real face and slice open my skin between the still itching indents from his teeth with one fang. Really don't need a second set of human bite marks on me. Seconds later my forearm is seized in a steel-like grip, whelp's gasping in air and trying to get himself under control. I look in his face, he's staring at the droplets of dark red blood welling up, eyes dark and wild, swallowing hard and licking his lips in excitement. Gorgeous.

 

~ Xander ~

The scent of the blood oozing out of the cut is overwhelming and I grab his arm with both of my hands. I stare at the blood, how it escapes from beneath Spike's skin. It's calling to me. Drinkdrinkdrinkdrink..

I look into his eyes, a silent plea for permission.

"Drink." He whispers with a rough edge to his voice.

Finally.

I pull the arm towards me and seal my lips over the wound, fitting my teeth in the marks I left before and start lapping at the cut.

Oh God. When the first blood hits my tongue I want to cry out in pleasure. The scent was overwhelming but the taste .. the taste is intoxicating! There is so much power in the cool fluid. My cock is throbbing and I feel myself start rocking against Spike, searching for friction. I realise that I closed my eyes, but I want to see his face, so I open them again.

"Oh fuck." Spike groans when we lock our gazes. His face is contorted in pleasure, the golden eyes gleaming like the sun in the late afternoon.

His other arm comes around my waist, cupping my ass, pulling me closer, crushing our hard-ons together. I start to suck frantically on the wound and Spike begins to moan. I even hear some 'Xan's in it.

 

~ Spike ~

Again I wonder where the whelp got the knowledge. He asks for explicit permission to drink, just as you would expect from a fledge, or your childe, for that matter. Not that a fledge would actually ask a Master vampire, not if he wanted to continue his unlife.

His teeth are right in the indents, just the other way around, and he starts licking the wound, pressing the tip of his tongue in to get more. Fuck, feels good.

I look down, want to see his mouth closed over the wound, want to see his lips on my skin and – damn, his eyes are.. open. Oh fuck. Gorgeous doesn't even cut it. Dark brown chocolate eyes, clouded with lust, excitement and swirling with the rush vampire blood gives humans, horny as hell and there he goes, rocking against me, I need more. I pull him towards me, fit our hard cocks against each other, curse the jeans between us, I want more, I want naked, I want him. My demon roars to close the circle and I feel my fangs drop, my face change. There is a twinge from the chip, washed away with another thrust and whimper from my boy, but enough to remind me that I can't go through with it, can't claim him and my demon is enraged. "Xan.. need to.. Xander, fuck, I want.. maybe.. Xander, Xan fuck, pet, you've got to.. or I will.." Bloody hell, I am losing the ability to form complete sentences over a kid. He moans again and I try to keep the upper hand, try to keep in control, he is so fucking lovely. Yeah Xan, go on, drink me, feel what makes me tick.

 

~ Xander ~

I realise I can feel Spike's emotions in his blood. He is so full of feelings – I never imagined. So much arousal, love and fear to get hurt again. So much pain, from former rejections and betrayal. And hate and anger towards the chip and the people responsible for it getting in his head, himself for getting caught and the Initiative for putting it there. His attitude, his need for the attitude and to hide and there is cruelty and coldness and danger.

I can feel his over sensitiveness of the world, his vulnerability, his dreams of belonging – again – and to be loved. I lose myself in him, in his needy honesty. The world gets dizzier with every swallow of Spike's blood and I am aware that I need to stop but I can't. Eventually the pressure and friction on my cock – the sensory overload of the blood catches up with me and I am coming harder than ever before in my life and the world goes black.

 

~ Spike ~

He rocks frantically against me now, rubbing his cock hard against mine, faster and faster. His teeth worry my flesh as he sucks harder now, the wound starting to close slowly. He makes the most delicious noises, whimpering and moaning from sensations and I realise he is – fuck – coming. I groan while his whole body jerks and I wish he'd been naked, wish I could have seen his cum shoot from his shaft in thick white streams.. Bloody hell. He goes limp and I manage to cradle him in my arms just before he can slide to the floor. He's so lovely – knows how to compliment a bloke. See, don't remember anybody ever fainting before when I got him or her off. At least, not when I wasn't drinking them.

I stand up, lay him down on the couch and start to go to the kitchen for a wash cloth when he starts to come 'round again already.

 

~ Xander ~

"Xander, luv? Come back." Spike calls to me through the thick fog in my head.

"Pet, are you alright?"

"Urghun." I open one eye and there is Spike, hovering over me.

"Whutappend?"

"You passed out."

All comes rushing back to me. The sensation of drinking Spike's blood and me coming in my pants like a schoolboy. "But looks like you enjoyed it, drinking me." He leers at me and gestures to my crotch where the stain spreads out slowly. God, how embarrassing.

 

~ Spike ~

I stroke his cheek gently, he turns his head away. He tries to sit up and succeeds with my help. He snatches his hand away when he stands up. He walks to his room on wobbly legs without another word.

What the hell?

"Xander?" I call out to him when he shuffles out of his room, but the only reply from him is the closing sound of the bathroom door.

Bloody great!

 

~ Xander ~

I shower again, concentrating on just that and trying not to think about the self-humiliation in front of Spike. When I step out of the shower, I grab the biggest towel from the shelf and wrap myself in it. It won't hide me as I want it to. So I open the door and go towards my room. Spike is there, leaning against the column opposite my door and watching me with an impassive face. I don't meet his gaze, I know golden flakes are dancing in blue orbs.

 

My eyes flicker over his crotch; of course there is no wet spot. I'm the one without any self-control. I was rubbing against Spike like a dog in heat and coming in my trousers.

I demonstratively close my door behind me.

Putting on dark blue sweatpants I crawl under the covers of my bed and pull them over my head. I shield myself against any thoughts at all and wallow in stomach-clenching loneliness.

 

~ Spike ~

What the bloody hell is wrong with him? I light a cigarette and start pacing. He was the one who couldn't wait to drink me and now that he got a taste, got a little insight into yours truly and got off pretty well – he thinks he can shove me away? As if nothing happened?

I gave him a damn good view of myself and he denies me? I show him what – no - who I am and he is what? Disgusted? Disappointed? Disillusioned?

I am so sick of getting used. Nobody does that to me again! Nobody!

 

27 - Insight

~ Xander ~

Sleep won't come for a long time. Eventually, I fall into the dark realms of my dreams.

Spike and Treck are there, making out, fucking like animals again and again while I stand outside watching them, with a spent and flaccid cock.

My jeans are soaked in come and I feel so unworthy, so ashamed of my inexperience.

They look at me and laugh ‘til tears are spilling down their cheeks.

 

~ Spike ~

I am still pacing and raving, bloody quietly, to myself so as not to disturb the idiot boy, when I hear his heart speed up. I don't care. Serves him right. Enjoy your nightmares, whelp. I don't bloody care.

Slowly I make my way over to the door and open it. The scent of fear and cold sweat, tears even, wafts over me. Must be a good one. He throws himself from one side to the other, tangling himself up in the bed sheets pretty well. Houdini in reverse. I chuckle quietly, but even I know it's fake. Damn.

 

~ Xander ~

"He is just human, Spikey. You know he can never give you what you need." Treck says to Spike and I start to cry when they get on with it again. My father is suddenly there strangely, commenting on how beautiful these demons are together and I can't but agree with him. There is no space for me. Cold chains form around my biceps, holding me in place, making me watch them. I can't get away. I panic. Dad grins at me. I try to turn away. I can't. The chains hold fast. Dad laughs. No. God. I want this to stop. I..

"No, please, no. Spike! Daddy, I'm sorry… No Dad. I can do better. I can… Spike!" I cry out in agony, but they won't hear me.

 

~ Spike ~

When I hear him say 'Daddy' I am over at the bed, shaking him. No-one deserves such a fucker for a father.

"Xander. Xander. Wake up!" I say, trying for a soothing tone. "It's just a nightmare. Xander, wake up, pet." So, what? I don't care, but I don't need him to keep me awake all the time with his moaning and screams and.. Oh fuck it. So I do care. 'S not the first time I’ve taken care of someone. Bad Habit and all.

 

~ Xander ~

I wake with a start. Spike is again hovering over me, a worried look on his face. His hands are around my biceps, just his hands – no chains. My cheeks are wet from crying, my body sweating.

"Spike." I say, and throw myself against his chest. "You're here. With me." He embraces me and places little kisses in my hair.

"It's alright pet. You're safe. I've got you. Nothing can hurt you. You're safe." He murmurs, again and again. And yeah, I feel safe. Spike keeps me safe.

He yawns deeply. A look at the clock tells me it’s 8 a.m. Sun's been up for three hours now.

"You're tired." I state, and he nods. "I.. stay with me?" I ask, childlike. "Please?" Don't leave me alone.

"Can do if you want."

"You don't want to?" I question, fearfully.

 

~ Spike ~

Oh boy, if you knew. He stares at me with the manga-sized brown eyes, scared and kicked puppy look. Want is the understatement of the bloody year. "I want to, pet."

"Stay please.." He begs and I nod. I let go of him and pull my shirt over my head, shed my boots and socks. I quickly decide against losing my jeans too. No underwear and don't know what the whelp dreamed, with crying for his dad to stop after his first sexual encounter with me.

Bloody hell. Why do I always get the disturbed ones? Always have to pick up after 'Daddy'. Bloody hate it. Really, is it worth the effort? But this one, the boy, he is so different, maybe.. He is young.. he can learn, can change. Nothing lost with this one so far, just scared.

 

~ Xander ~

I curl myself in a tight ball, knees to chin, arms around shins, Spike spoons behind me, arms around me, a kiss against my neck. This is how it has to be and I sigh loudly when he presses his demon face between my shoulder blades. Sleep claims me almost instantly.

 

~ Spike ~

I wake up just after sunset, still lying nearly in the same position, curled around the boy who's clutching my hand to his chest.

"Morning, pet." I nuzzle against his neck. Damn it all, let's just have a moment of sleepy haze.

"Hey." He greets, weakly.

"You okay?" Sweet boy. You smell so good.

"Hm." He moans and presses back against my chest. I kiss his neck and he pulls my hand to his lips and starts sucking on my thumb. I groan, my tongue darts out to lick his skin, taste the blush and arousal. I can smell his precome and just knowing this makes him so hard that he’s leaking already, makes me even harder. He circles his tongue around my thumb, takes it deeper into his warm, wet mouth. In return, I nibble his skin with blunt teeth and press my cock against his ass.

 

~ Xander ~

I groan when I feel his pretty impressive, hard length pressing in the cleft of my ass.

Releasing his thumb just to take his index and middle finger in my mouth, he gasps when I make the fingers very wet with salvia, lick along the inside of them, every so often sliding my tongue between them, pressing harshly through the fence they're building.

He starts rocking against me in earnest, panting and moaning.

"Fuck, Xan, don't stop. Please, so good, so hot, Xan.." In reply I arch my back, giving him better access to my ass, pressing back, meeting his thrusts. I feel him change against my neck, not able to control his features in the heights of passion when

<<ring ring>> <<ring ring>>

I cry out when Spike stops and tenses: "NO!"

"I have to go, Xander. It's my cell phone. Only one person has the number to it. It's important."

"No." I resist, pouting.

"Xan, I have to." He tries to pull his hand away but I bite down hard. And immediately regret it.

"Let. Go. Of. Me!" He growls, very, very angrily. Shit. I let go and he is out of the bed and out of the room less than a second later. Oh fuck. I bit him again. Again! After he made the rules clear. After he told me not to do it ever again. Dumb, dumb Xander. I should write a book: How to fuck up sexual experiences properly. I would make millions. I bury my face in the pillows and try to hold back the tears threatening to roll down my cheeks.

 

~ Spike ~

What the hell is he thinking? Is he thinking at all? I thought he understood, he wouldn't do it again after I made it clear to him. I am a vampire in my own rights – nobody bites me. Without my permission and when I say I have to go, I go – he's not gonna hold me back. I do what I want to do. Bloody fucking hell. I just hope the call is important enough. I swear someone – the bloody powers or whatever there is – someone's got the instruction to make my unlife hell! I can't bite, can't fight, can't get laid for god's sake! Oh god.. William the bloody pathetic. *grrrrs*

So, I am not that upset 'bout the bite – just, does he have even an idea as to what he hints with it all the time. No – course not – didn't have the talk. Talk first, blood later.. Ahhh, that's why! I smack my head dramatically. Idiot. Not that it matters, when he's my mate he's allowed to do as he pleases, biting and all, don't need to rip him a new one for this now.

I close the door behind me. I have to answer the call, see what Peaches has to say, let the boy feel like shit for a while, he can take it. He's not my mate – yet. He does not have rights to—

I take up the mobile and press the green key.

 

28 - Sire's call

 

~ Xander ~

Spike is on the telephone with his sire again. I wonder what he has to discuss with his sire. Still in the dark as to who his sire is, but I guess it's Angel. It has to be Angel. Or better Angelus. Does the soul make a difference in the whole sire/childe deal? I mean.. if it's like heritage, you can't deny blood. *snort* The last time I saw them both in one room they hated each other. What happened to change that? What is the deal with a sire anyway? I know, the creator of a vampire is his sire but what does that mean exactly?

 

~ Spike ~

"Sire?" What the bloody hell is so important that you have to call right now?!

"Will, I forget to tell you something. You have to block your feelings when you feed him. It's too much emotion for a human, they don’t take it well." Oh. Bit late for that.

"Well, that explains why he passed out on me."

"You already fed him?" Erm..

"He was very… insistent." Making the puppy eyes and all.

"How much did he take?"

"Not much, nearly a cup full." Or so.

"And he passed out?"

"Well, yeah, right after he…" Shit.

((laughter))

"Sire?"

"Well, that's a good one. Xander-I-hate-vampires-Harris fucking with you, drinking from you…"

"We weren't exactly fucking…" And why the hell did I mention that?

((louder laughing))

"He just came from drinking you?"

"Yes, and I remember a time when you tended to…"

"Hell, he must be so embarrassed! Coming in his pants like a teenage boy during his first tongue kiss!" That's Angel for you. Never dwell on the past. And of course he was just embarrassed! Had nothing to do with me. Should have thought about that!

"Thought that was the reason why he reacted so strange." Smooth, really.

"What did he do?"

"He ran away and hid in his bed."

((silence))

then: "His bed?"

((silence))

"Will, … what exactly are you two?"

((silence))

"I'm not sure? I don't know… friends?"

"Will. What is going on there? What… what is he doing to you?"

"Nothing." Too fast.

"What nothing?"

"Sire…" You don't understand, it's complicated. He is all innocent and unsure and just needs time to come around, accept this – us.

"I don't want you to be hurt. Not anymore. Talk to me."

"I'm okay."

"Don't lie to me, boy." Fuck off.

"I'm not lying. It's just that every time I think we make a step forward, something happens and we're at square one again. And…" Fuck.

"And what? What is the something that happens?"

"It's not important." He just breaks the rules.

"Will."

"He bit me again." Bloody fucking hell.

((growl))

"He *bit* you *again*???"

"It's nothing. First, it was because the craving got too much, he was confused. He lost control. Second, 'cos he didn't want me to answer the phone. It's just with the chip… I can't defend myself and when he bites me he breaks rules and it…" Wussy much?

"I'm not so sure 'bout the chip. Could be he already changed enough for it to not recognize him as human anymore."

"He'll freak."

"For sure."

"Fuck."

"He is still human until you turn him. Your blood just pushes his metabolism above the ormal limits and allows him to have some advantages over the average human. It changes the scent, the consistency of flesh, bone, blood, slows the heart rate, heightens his senses…"

"You know an awful lot about the ..technical side of it."

"Got my hands on some of the Initiative files. Willow forwarded them to Oz who sent them to me. In the files, they… there is a lot of data about the tests they performed with ampires and humans. They tried to use vampire blood and claimings to their advantage, to strengthen the soldiers but the results were too different from each other and the effects they wanted to develop took too much time."

"What effects and how long?"

"Well, healing abilities and higher senses only needed days, sometimes a couple of weeks, but the chips of the 'hostiles' not recognizing the soldiers treated with the blood cure as human, outweighed the positive effects. Quite a few of the 'volunteers' were killed by their claimants."

"Serves them right, those bastards." Revenge is sweet. "So, you say I could give him a spanking if he bites me again?"

"Most likely. But I really hope you get the talk over with and set the rules straight."

"Thanks Sire, you are really working on my chip problem, aren't you?"

"I told you, promised you, I would."

"Thank you, Sire."

"You're welcome, Will."

((silence))

"And Will… kiss him already. You'll know if you're on the same page if you do."

"I know. It's what scares me."

"I miss you."

((silence))

"I mean it, I miss you. You can always come back to me."

"I know Sire, but I… can't. I have my own life now. I am a master in my own right."

"Yes, and I am proud of you." Oh.

"Bye, Sire."

"Bye, my boy."

I disconnect with difficulty. Bloody poof, gets me all emotional when he gets emotional. I need a shower. I have to think.

 

~ Xander ~

Spike is showering. I wish I had the courage to go to him. Naked vampire – whoa, nice picture. All soapy and wet and slick. I wonder if I'm just attracted to him because of the blood. I was never gay, never thought about a man that way. Okay, Angel caught my eye once or twice but… Maybe it's the vampire thing – the dark mysterious aura they have. Just that Spike has no dark mysterious aura.

 

~ Spike ~

While the hot water runs soothingly down my body, I think about how to deal with the whelp. He has to understand that I am the boss here. I can't let him do as he pleases. This is my world, my club. I make the bloody rules and he has to follow. I can't let this slip by like nothing happened. Stomping out of the room, angry, like I was in the first place and now to go back and pretend nothing happened. No. I'm not gonna lose the little respect he has of me.

 

~ Xander ~

The shower stops and Spike goes to his room for clothes, I guess. He comes to me, throws another bag, like the one yesterday, at me. I figure he is still pissed off about me biting him again.

"Get ready, your shift starts soon." He barks. I just nod and do as he says.

After showering myself, I dress in the clothes from the bag. Tight dark blue jeans, a white spandex shirt with short sleeves. No button up this time.

I don't argue. In the kitchen area a big sandwich is waiting for me. I gulp it, and a glass of milk, down quickly. I look at my watch. I have to go to the bar now or I'll be late.. but Spike is nowhere to be seen.

 

~ Spike ~

From my position I can watch him without him being aware of it. He looks pretty beaten down. I wonder if I am too hard on him. But I told him, he is, under no circumstances, – him being my mate aside – allowed to bloody bite me. I have to go through with this now. I have to reclaim some respect. I am not his pet-vamp. I am a Master Vampire in my own right, just like I told my sire.

 

~ Xander ~

"Spike?" I whisper, hoping he is somewhere around.

"What?" He asks, sharply and I jump, jerk my head up and see him sitting on one of the beams, looking down at me with a cold smirk.

"I have to go now. Work and all. You know how it is, said yourself, shift starts." I babble nervously.

"Then go."

"You’re not coming with me?"

 

~ Spike ~

Oh, damn him! He looks as if he's about to start to cry. I will not cave in. I will not give in just because the boy can't hold his liquids. I chuckle evilly.

"I'm not your bloody babysitter." I say and I can practically see the piercing pain those few words do to him. I win, but the victory is distasteful and unpleasant..

 

~ Xander ~

I nod, not able to speak around the big lump in my throat. I'm pathetic, I'm nearly in tears because he won't walk me to work.

With slumped shoulders, I make my way to the door. I turn around to look at Spike, to find out if he’s maybe changed his mind, but he isn't even looking in my direction.

I have to swallow back a sob and close the door from the outside.

 

Overview

A: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08
B: 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22
C: 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33
D: 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 |tbc...